Actuallymealex - Jojalbihn

we as humans are always learning

Idea: Surprise Titans

a.k.a. the Murderhobo’s Natural Predator.

You know what’s fun? Setting up powerful enemies to destroy your party of murderhobos. You know what’s even more fun? Hiding these powerful enemies in plain sight.

This idea has probably been done repeatedly, but I just want to bring in a few of my own ideas for a few different Murderhobo situations.

Option 1: Hiding amongst the weak.

a.k.a. Marble Bunny application

Does your game have a “Beginner’s Mook” like Dragon Quest slimes, Goombas in the Mario series, or Kingdom Hearts’ basic Shadow Heartless? The most basic enemies that are meant to be the first encounter for the players? Do your murderhobos enjoy slaughtering these monsters - or any monster for that matter - in genocidal abundance?

An old friend of mine once introduced me to what he called the Marble Bunny application: essentially, take these two sprites:

The White Bunny

and the Marble Bunny. Now I added some animation and color differences, but the point of the application is that a weak, beginner mook and an extremely powerful monster are virtually indistinguishable… until someone tries taking a swing at it. Then they watch in horror as what looks like just a White Bunny takes zero damage, hunts them down like a dragon, and hits like a train.

This application can be taken in cross-species or cross-animation paths as well: imagine the party sees what appears to be a farmer out in the field.

What ought to happen: PC: I go say hi! :D DM: On closer inspection, it is not a farmer but rather a golem fashioned to look like a Scarecrow. What happens to Murderhobos: PC: I shoot the farmer with an arrow. DM: Instead of dying, the being simply lifts its arrow-pierced head to stare right at at you. It is a golem, and it has just found its master’s next threat. Roll for initiative!

Side note: this can also be a nice incentive/perk for your players who just like to make pets out of monstrous enemies. It’s like adding Shiny- or IV-Hunting to your game for them!

Option 2: Logical Arguments

a.k.a. “What else did you expect to happen?”

Obviously, sometimes the roleplay itself can give reason to certain advantages. Paladins are effective against the undead, magic and ranged attacks are superior to melee combat, etc. But don’t forget: such lore can give advantage to special monster or NPC cases against murderhobos.

Some examples:

Murderhobo attacks a blacksmith? Congrats, they just pissed off Will Turner. He’s trained with the swords every day to figure out what needs cleaning, repairs, etc. and now has advantage with (and against) every weapon type in his shop.

They attacked X students at a school for magic? Great, the only reason they were off-campus to begin with is because they’re the X best students of the top class, and will quickly reduce the murderhobos into smoking ash.

Your murderhobos want to assassinate the king for rule over the entire kingdom, instead of negotiating a piece for a quest reward? Congrats, one of the townspeople loyal to the king ratted the party out, the assassination turns into an ambush, and either the party pays with their lives, or run for what remains of their lives. Negotiation was too challenging for the players, so now it’ll never be on the table again.

Your combo- and DPS-loving murderhobo wants to test their combos on an innocent traveling group? Such pilgrims are usually guided by the magical and religious… like diviners. At some point, the combo artist swings their sword and has the blade caught by the future-seer. Your precious combos mean nothing to one who can see your every move.

Final word: Sorry I’ve been gone for a while, you guys. Emotionally bad times recently, plus nearing the end of college and worrying about internships and/or jobs.

Happy gaming, good luck murdering the murderhobos!

Hi! I painted Jschlatt! Now give me clout. 🔫

Jokes aside, I spent about 20 hours on this, and it’s the most fun I’ve had on a painting yet.

Not traced or an edit. Please don’t repost. Reblogs appreciated!!! 🤍

Random Dungeons & Dragons (and other fantasy tabletop RPG) resource #137: reasons why the party can’t buy the thing – roll 1d20 or choose:

Local regulations require anyone who wishes to buy or sell the item or service in question to obtain the personal approval of a particular political or religious leader. How’s your schmoozing?

Local regulations require anyone who wishes to buy or sell the item or service in question to obtain permission from a particular bureaucratic institution and adhere to a complicated and onerous set of rules; the punishment for flouting them is severe.

A powerful regional organisation (guild, cult, mercantile concern, etc.) wields an absolute monopoly over the item or service in question. Dealing with them may be risky, or – particularly for lawful or good parties – pose sticky ethical quandaries.

The item or service in question can’t legally be provided to the party in particular, and anyone who does so will face considerable censure. What obscure law or taboo have they run afoul of?

The item or service in question is entirely prohibited by a local bylaw, religious taboo, or regional curse, forcing merchants and providers underground. There’s probably a story there.

The item or service in question is entirely prohibited by recent edict of the local ruler, and merchants and providers who deal in it have found themselves newly outlawed. There’s definitely a story there!

The merchant or provider lives somewhere extraordinarily inconvenient and keeps odd hours. Making the purchase may be easy enough, but being in a position to make it will be a challenge.

The merchant or provider is itinerant and travels a circuit of several communities. Maybe the locals know their next destination?

The merchant or provider will only deal with members of a particular guild, cult, or social club. Can the party get a member to act as a go-between, or will they need to obtain (or fake) membership themselves?

The merchant or provider requires an introduction or letter of reference from an existing customer before they’ll deal with the party. Who are their existing customers? Good question!

The merchant or provider refuses to accept gold, and wants a particular item or service in exchange. What are they after?

The merchant or provider hates the party’s guts for some unspecified reason, and refuses to deal with them. Persuasion or intimidation may be in order, but push it too far and the authorities will end up involved.

The entire local supply has been stolen by monsters or bandits (for goods) or the local provider(s) have been kidnapped by the same (for services). If the party wants to buy, a rescue mission is in order.

The entire local supply has been confiscated by the ruler (for goods) or the local provider(s) have been conscripted (for services). As above, but with more awkward explanations if the party gets caught.

A wealthy private individual bought up the entire local supply (for goods) or hired the local provider(s) for a long-term project (for services) shortly before the party arrived. Will they be willing to share?

A band of rival adventurers bought up the entire local supply (for goods) or hired the local provider(s) for a long-term project (for services) shortly before the party arrived. Are they after the same goal?

The item or service in question is readily available, but the merchant or provider proves to be a skilled con artist, confused ghost or mischievous fae. Can the party catch them in the act, or will they be obliged to give chase to get their money back once the deception comes to light?

The item or service in question is readily available, but the items carry strange magical quirks (for goods) or the provider is a magic-user with eccentric new ideas they’re just itching to put into practice (for services). Is it worth the hassle?

The local community obtains the item or service in question in an unconventional and typically magical fashion; for example, a party in need of weapons finds that the village has no weaponsmith, but in the foothills outside of town lies a grove where swords grow on trees, guarded by an ill-tempered but sleepy manticore.

The merchant or provider is powerful monster, who deals in strange coin. How did this arrangement come to pass?

The preceding entries are arranged into subtables so you can target specific types of inconveniences with suitable rolls, as follows:

Legal barrier: roll 1d6

Annoying or inconvenient provider: roll 1d6+6

Someone else has it: roll 1d4+12

The weird stuff: roll 1d4+16

Art that speaks to my soul

I just had the worst period of Cain instinct in my life

The baby didn't stand a chance. Poor fool.

Behold the Majesty of Clockwork Dragon’s Expanded Armory

Some of you may remember a few months back, when I released my supplement on “Advanced Munitions.” As much time and effort I put into that project, something just never seemed quite right. Not all the weapons in it were actually firearms, The ones that were there had a vast discrepancy in power compared to core weapons, and I felt like I did an over-all poor job of categorizing and keeping in line with the official books. On top of that, as I was comparing what I had made to the official weapons in the PHB, I realized that the phb weapons were sort of poorly balanced themselves. All of them functioned well enough on their own, but some weapons were just clearly better than others, and a few weapons were just trash from a mechanical standpoint, usually because said weapon’s effectiveness in actual combat came from its ability to be used in interesting ways. I wanted to try and address this, so with the help of my Discord, I picked apart every weapon, came up with a set of 21 different weapon properties, and a whole host of new and exotic weapons to fill out the roster. On top of that, I expanded my firearms supplement into an entirely new class of “Advanced weapons” which include complex mechanical or arcane melee and ranged weapons designed for high-power or futuristic campaigns. I also took a shot at expanding shields The Previews here only show the weapon tables; for the full 12 page PDF, which details all the new weapon properties and advanced weapons, as well as rules of thumb for creating unique weapons of your own, check out this handy dropbox link. And be sure to tell me what you think! It’s been far too long since I uploaded actual content, but Life has been in the way of homebrew recently recently, and I can never bring myself to publish something before I am happy with it myself. Wife lost her job a few months back, and we have officially run through our savings at this point.  If you like what I do and want to support me or just generally help out, Check out my Patreon or Ko-Fi pages, or throw some coin at me through Paypal.me. If you wanna just come say hi on my Discord, that’s great too!

Cambell corn soup

"Look into my mouth" I say, my cold eyes staring into the depths of your soul.

You turn towards me and relucantly watch as i open my gaping jaw.

You don't notice it at first but suddenly you smell the foul oder.

"I havent brushed in two days"

A large grin on my face, my teeth all brown and mushy.

You watch in terror as my teeth slowly slide out of my mouth and into yours.

"Nothing shall go to waste" I whisper

You close your eyes because you dont want to see the scene unfolding in front of you.

Suddenly you feel a soft sensation on your tounge and a sweet taste fills your mouth.

"Corn" you wisper, a single tear rolling down your cheek.

You feel your teeth being pushed out, and replaced by something that can only be described as hard corn cernels.

You are now fully ugly crying. The only sounds are your cries, echoing in the empty starbucks bathroom.

Your eyes, being consumed by crawling corn cernels. All you see is corn, slowly replacing every part of what was once you.

You have lost all your senses, except touch and taste.

You feel as though a metal rind is being placed between you and freedom.

You feel as though you are being picked up...

"Mmm, cambell corn soup. My favorite." You hear, as a giant figure, resembling a grandmother apears in your mind.

You feel their grip upon you...

You are cambell corn soup.

You are corn.

Nothing shall go to waste.

Me, 24/7: