I Think Im Lwk Too Anxious About The Whole Ask Blog Thing Cause What If

this also may be related to the fact i havent eaten since yesterday-

im exhausted

i feel sick, my arms are so tired, im tired, my foot hurts like hell, im so fucking tired.

the gods have not spoken in my favor

seeing ask blogs really makes me want to make one myself...

nevermind its gone never to be seen again im never attempting this again

I REGRET EVERYTHING WHY WOULD I DO THIIISSSS

someone PLEASE tell me this is a shit idea and i should never click the post button ever ever ever

why did i think i could make an ask blog.....

like yeah i love prussia but i hardly watched the anime....

like

all i have done is watch like every single video i can over prussia's scenes in hetalia but i feel like thats not enough like ill do one thing and everyone will gloss over it and be like wow youre stupid thats all stupid

okay chat once i finish this up im gonna start with finishing up chapter two i needed to get these things set down for the story...

OKAY SO I THINK I HAVE A CONCRETE FAMILY LINES FOR MY MAIN AU AKA WHAT WALLS OF GOLD WILL BE BASED OFF OF YAY MEEEE

it would specifically be hetalia

even more specifically it would be prussia cause i love him so much but idk if ive watched enough of the show to really like

get his character well...

seeing ask blogs really makes me want to make one myself...

Innocence.

Crayons scattered on the floor around a bright-eyed being 

who doesn’t seem to have a worry about where they place their feet.

Running up and down hallways giggling, attempting to escape being caught. 

Chasing butterflies through the grass, bare feet jumping over roots jutting out from the ground. 

You’re told the words ‘Savor your childhood’ without knowing what it means.

What does it mean?They never explained, they simply smiled and said, ‘You’ll see, everyone does’.

It never made sense when it mattered. Why didn’t it?Why couldn’t you have understood? 

Why did you wish so often, telling yourself you couldn’t wait to grow up. 

Everyone says that. 

Then suddenly everyone is scrambling to turn back the clock.

What happened? 

You tell your parents that you’re big and can be ‘like the grownups’ but then suddenly

You wish that they would hold you like a little kid again.

What happened to their gentle smiles as they kneeled down to tie your bright-colored shoes that flashed with light when you stepped so you’d spend your time stomping wherever you could just to see that flash of color.

They didn’t make them in your size anymore. 

What happened to free time after school? Now you’re chained to endless amounts of paper. 

Digital paper.

You’re constantly told ‘You spend too much time on your phone’. Too many screens. 

It’s not like no one tried to make that not happen. We spend our entire lives on a screen. 

Our education now depends on a screen.

Everything seems to depend on a screen no wonder we start to also. 

What happened to counting fake plastic pennies and the colorful cubes to use for math? Now it’s a page put up on a screen that you’re told to write down. Needing help seems like a chore. 

Why ask?Everyone will stare at you. Avoid attention. What happened? 

‘Never be afraid to ask questions.’

But what if those people made you afraid in the first place.

As a child you were convinced that you knew. You knew because you could ask. 

As a teenager.

You pretend to know because the only thing you do know is that you know nothing. 

Not knowing is weakness. 

It’s not endearing.

Innocence wasn’t explained as a child. 

Angels were innocent. 

Someone who didn’t do something bad was innocent.

But you never know the true meaning of innocence until it's ripped away from your hands and you watch life take it away from you when you aren’t ready to think about it being gone. 

That’s what growing up is. 

The loss of innocence.

~~~~~ i don't have a lot of experience with writing poems so apologies if it has poor quality. i'm open to constructive criticism but please do be nice i'm only 14 lol. writing is a passion of mine and i do plan to make more posts involving poetry or other.

went to bed at two something and woke up at five and absolutely ready for the day :D

this kitten is impossibly stupid it decides to run around all crazy and hyper adn somehow manages to tumble into the tub of water we used to wash it

its fine yes

but fucking idiot omg

im obviously a very independent person, thank you