Posting About Characters' Feelings>>> Own Feelings.

//dear future self//

|AUTUMN 2020| |OCTOBER 10| 20:46: At this point, I’ve become perpetually aware of the fact that there I take one too many pictures of the sky; and honestly, I can’t help but do so. Every day is a new feeling, despite everyday having the same routine. And today was the epitome of what an autumn evening feels like to me. Autumn evening skies with the gentle winter breeze that’s setting in…

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//hello/goodbye//

|AUTUMN 2020|

|OCTOBER 6|

15:31: Cloudy, blue skies and a constant feeling of reaching out; an impulse to grasp and hold onto your hand and caress it with feather-soft touches.

You’ve always been my favourite cup of hot coffee on the chilliest of winter nights, my ‘conversations in the dark’ and of course, my heartiest hug after bad days.

Still,

You’re the hardest to write about.

You’re the…

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To be a self-sustaining woman. To be a candid woman. To be an aware woman. To be a private woman. To be a woman for no one other than myself.

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for – and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing. It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool – for love – for your dreams – for the adventure of being alive.

#life #inspiration

half-open windows just after the heaviest rainfall of the week/ petrichor that he loves so much/ a feeling of loss and gain all at once/ tears ricocheting just like T-swift sings/ an impending decision's finally made/ a little prayer said/ the windows are now closed/ memoirs of him to be buried/ one-at-a-time

turkey and azerbaijan are attacking armenia right now, and it's 1915 all over again because the world is distracted and people are too busy wondering if they're gonna live or die, and who gives a shit about my country anyway? my mum told me to tell my friends and explain to them what's happening and that we are the victims in this war because azerbaijan is spreading lies and people are believing their lies and i told her, what good is that going to do? do you think anyone's going to come to our aid? is russia going to help us? is america? is england? erdogan said they will finish what their ancestors started, and he means genocide. he means ethnic cleansing. he means to massacre every last one of us. and in doing so admitted to the very same thing turkey has spent 105 years denying. i don't know who to tell and what good telling people will do because we're a small, insignificant country, and we have nothing to offer to the people in power, the handful who rule the world. so i sit here with my pain and i feel helpless. i know there's twitter threads and links to petitions and people being urged to contact their senators, and sorry if im being pessimistic, but azerbaijan has been attacking us for the last 22 years, and though we defend ourselves, we can't do anything to stop them. they've violated ceasefires (and geneva conventions) multiple times. i don't think they'll rest until every last one of us is dead.

we just want peace. we just want to live peacefully. we're not asking for a lot here.

I think sometimes we just have to risk it. Live the way we feel. And you know it, it might not turn out well. Sometimes it doesn’t turn out well at all. But we have to try. We have to keep on trying. Otherwise, we just become puppets. All painted smiles outside, while inside nothing but sawdust.

Little Ashes (2008) dir. Paul Morrison

Virginia Woolf, The Waves

I've listened multiple times only reputation, lover, folklore and evermore, so I don't think I qualify as a swiftie. But this woman is truly a poet. This 4 albums are so different and they give each this very specific vibe.

reputation

reputation feels like driving around at 4 am. Are you angry? Sad? Happy? You don't know, you just feel. You want to be numb, to ignore the pain, but you're so fucking alive. Every emotion gives you this energy that just screams at you: "Live. Live even if you'd rather be dead. Live just to spite them. Live because you can, you breathe, you sing, you scream, you feel". Reputation is the rush of life when darkness suffocates you.

Lover

Lover is returning home, after you visited your grandparent or parents. It's 3 pm on a Sunday, you're walking and you just have this skips in your steps. You should be sad, tomorrow is Monday, but you can't. You're just so happy. That kinda happiness you had or dreamed about as a kid. It's something old , but so new. A forgotten emotion that you scream at the world.

folklore

folklore is sunrise. It's past sadness, past heartbreak that doesn't hurt anymore. It's melancholy, it's remembering that pain, that anger in the light of a new day, of a new life. It's sad, but it's the past. You fall, you hurt and you survive. Life has an end, so does the pain. It's reminiscing just because you could go through everything, and you can remember. You'll live despite or with that sadness. It's you choice.

evermore

evermore is the evening, that red light painting when the sun is setting. Just like folklore it's reminiscing of past heartbreak and sadness, only this time you hold on to it. It's not a new day, it's the end. You can't let it go. It hurts, oh how it hurts, but you just can't, you don't know how to live without that pain. It's the evening, you're alone and that gentle piano leads your mind down a path of despair. But that's alright. Your bleeding hearth is panting the sky.