Aspec Playlist

Dating as an Ace

Talking to people in person is terrifying because I know once I come out to them they’ll lose all interest/think I’m a freak.

Trying to use dating apps is a waste because most of them are for one night stands or casual sex, not relationships.

Meeting people at work sucks because even if they’re really cute, I can’t make any approaches past “how can I help”, which gets me ignored 90% of the time anyway.

Not even my college pride group is useful because when I told them I was Ace, the club president went “is that real?” That broke my heart.

And finally I have online meetings that lead to LDRs. I’ve been in a LDR and it was the happiest I’ve ever been, but when she left I felt empty because a person I’ve never met took so much from me.

Nothing works, and it’s so depressing.

Me: *reading for my education class about how if advanced learners aren’t challenged in school, they frequently develop mental health disorders and fail to develop self-efficacy and skills to cope with failure*

Me: *realizing this is where so many of my problems stem from*

Me: *whispers* Well fuck…

Some nights, even knowing this will set my nervous system screaming, I want someone who will hold me close. I want someone I can build a life with; someone who is the other half of my soul.

Then I remember that this would probably require sex at some point.

Fuck.

I’ll just have to settle for turning into Carpe the cola aunt, with twenty dogs in tow.

I am jealous of those who think more deeply, who write better, who draw better, who ski better, who look better, who live better, who love better than I.

Sylvia Plath (via infj-misc)

Olympus has changed.

The balance of power has shifted.

Zeus still reigns as king, yes, but now no more than a figurehead.

Gone are the days of mortals quaking in fear at every thunderstorm, every drought, every flood. They have grown beyond that, evolved. They have figured ways around his wrath; levees, crops that grow in the desert, iron and steel and cables.

Zeus is no more than a figurehead on Olympus.

Gone are the days of his council, of Demeter and Poseidon and Hera.

The crops are managed by the mortals now, the seas pose little threat when they can see Poseidon’s wrath coming, plot course around it, or dive below the waves. Hera’s base is crumbling- what she protected, her narrow idea of marriage, is changing and broadening to include so much more. Aphrodite is inching in on her power, love taking place where obligation once stood.

Instead, Olympus is ruled by a parliament.

In a world that runs on fossil fuels and crude oils mined from beneath the earth, Hades’ power grows. His kingdom expands with every life lost in pursuit of his materials. The mortals are learning, their eyes are opening at the futility of this effort. They are beginning to turn to other methods- to Apollo and Zephyros and Persephone, but there will always be death. Hades wins either way.

The machines that guzzle the fuel? They belong to Hephaestus. The machines that take lives? They are his realm as well. Anything with a gear, and engine, a circuit board, or a blade belongs to the God of Fire. His crooked throne grows ever higher.

The old ways of thinking are dying. Those in power who have wielded it over the oppressed are falling from their perches, called to justice by the women they wronged. Peoples of all genders are coming out of the woodwork, less and less afraid to be who they are everyday. The social norms that separate the mortals based on a binary are crumbling. Athena waits, and smiles. Her time has come once more.

But above all, one God’s power has risen exponentially. Roads cross-cross the world like the scars on a whipped man’s back. Currency flows like water, more and more essential by the day. Hephaestus’ machines and Hades’ fuels only further his power. Places of commerce spring up like weeds among enclaves of mortals- they will travel miles to go to one market and miles to another with nary a thought. The internet connects them all- relating messages, parcels, commerce, gambling… all his realm.

Zeus may be king of Olympus, but Hermes holds the power.

The establishment of heaven has fallen. The Patriarch is powerless.

The Outcast, the Disabled, the Feminist, and the Clever Criminal have risen up and seized the throne, if not in name, then in deed.

It won’t be long before the mortals do the same.

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It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.

Buddha (via infj-misc)

“If you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You’re doing things you’ve never done before, and more importantly, you’re Doing Something.”

—  Neil Gaiman (via quotebook-in)

As a former Gifted Kid, it's honestly so hard to be proud of anything I achieved. Because all those milestones parents might celebrate with their children - finishing high school, getting into college, graduating college - they were expected of me.

None of this felt like an achievement to be proud of, more like I barely skirted the failure of not managing it.

@ everyone who went through a period of having no friends, who ate alone, who had a point in their life where they were too embarrassed to tell their parents they had no one to play with after school: I love you. I know it hurts and I know it’s hard but it’s not your fault. Things will grow and change. You will find people who you click with and they will love you too. You deserve positive friendship relationships just like anyone else. And if you’re still going through this phase, you’re strong, and things will change for you too. You are not alone, there are people experiencing the same thing you are, find them, you deserve positivity and companionship. Keep your head up.