Why "doing Something Relaxing” Does Not Help Your Anxiety

Why "doing something relaxing” does not help your anxiety

A lot of the time when people give advice intended to relieve anxiety, they suggest doing “relaxing” things like drawing, painting, knitting, taking a bubble bath, coloring in one of those zen coloring books, or watching glitter settle to the bottom of a jar.

This advice is always well-intentioned, and I’m not here to diss people who either give it or who benefit from it. But it has never, ever done shit for me, and this is because it goes about resolving anxiety in the completely wrong way.

THE WORST THING YOU CAN DO when suffering from anxiety is to do a “relaxing” thing that just enables your mind to dwell and obsess more on the thing that’s bothering you. You need to ESCAPE from the dwelling and the obsession in order to experience relief.

You can drive to a quiet farm, drive to the beach, drive to a park, or anywhere else, but as someone who has tried it all many, many times, trust me–it’s a waste of gas. You will just end up still sad and stressed, only with sand on your butt. You can’t physically escape your sadness. Your sadness is inside of you. To escape, you need to give your brain something to play with for a while until you can approach the issue with a healthier frame of mind.

People who have anxiety do not need more time to contemplate, because we will use it to contemplate how much we suck.

In fact, you could say that’s what anxiety is–hyper-contemplating. When we let our minds run free, they run straight into the thorn bushes. Our minds are already running, and they need to be controlled. They need to be given something to do, or they’ll destroy everything, just like an overactive husky dog ripping up all the furniture.

Therefore, I present to you:

THINGS YOU SHOULD NOT DO WHEN ANXIOUS

–Go on a walk

–Watch a sunset, watch fish in an aquarium, watch glitter, etc.

–Go anywhere where the main activity is sitting and watching

–Draw, color, do anything that occupies the hands and not the mind

–Do yoga, jog, go fishing, or anything that lets you mentally drift

–Do literally ANYTHING that gives you great amounts of mental space to obsess and dwell on things.

THINGS YOU SHOULD DO WHEN ANXIOUS:

–Do a crossword puzzle, Sudoku, or any other mind teaser game. Crosswords are the best.

–Write something. It doesn’t have to be a masterpiece. Write the Top 10 Best Restaurants in My City. Rank celebrities according to Best Smile. Write some dumb Legolas fanfiction and rip it up when you’re done. It’s not for publication, it’s a relief exercise that only you will see.

–Read something, watch TV, or watch a movie–as long as it’s engrossing. Don’t watch anything which you can run as background noise (like, off the top of my head, Say Yes to The Dress.) As weird as it seems, American Horror Story actually helps me a lot, because it sucks me in.

–Masturbate. Yes, I’m serious. Your mind has to concentrate on the mini-movie it’s running. It can’t run Sexy Titillating Things and All The Things That are Bothering Me at the same time. (…I hope. If it can, then…ignore this one.)

–Do math problems—literally, google “algebra problems worksheet” and solve them. If you haven’t done math since 7th grade this will really help you. I don’t mean with math, I mean with the anxiety.

–Play a game or a sport with someone that requires great mental concentration. Working with 5 people to get a ball over a net is a challenge which will require your brain to turn off the Sadness Channel.

–Play a video game, as long as it’s not something like candy crush or Tetris that’s mindless.

THINGS YOU SHOULD DO DURING PANIC ATTACKS ESPECIALLY:

–List the capitals of all the U.S. states

–List the capitals of all the European countries

–List all the shapes you can see. Or all the colors.

–List all the blonde celebrities you can think of.

–Pull up a random block of text and count all the As in it, or Es or whatever.

Now obviously, I am not a doctor. I am just an anxious person who has tried almost everything to help myself. I’ve finally realized that the stuff people recommend never works because this is a disorder that thrives on free time and free mental space. When I do the stuff I listed above, I can breathe again. And I hope it helps someone here too.

(Now this shouldn’t have to be said but if the “do nots” work for you then by all means do them. They’ve just never worked for me.)

Story time!

Warning: This is just a fluffy anecdote but I felt the need to put it on the Tumblr because so many posts surrounding these kinda subjects are shrouded in anxiety and sadness. I PROMISE there is a point 😂

ANNYWAAY. I recently started spending time with this guy. Eventually he asked if he could take me on a date. I said yes. The date was very similar to just our hanging out before, only towards the end he held my hand. I let him. Afterwards I went back to my place and told my closest friends about the lovely evening.

After a bit of giddiness in a group message, my one friend asked: “does he know you’re asexual?”

Right then and there, it hit me. If I would like to continue seeing this guy, eventually calling him my boyfriend, I would need to tell him. I was terrified.

About 4 days later he came over to my place and kept me company while I did chores. After about an hour I got tired and decided to show him my favorite comedy. We sat on my bed. I was nervous. About 5 or 10 minutes into settingly down, we held hands. A couple minutes later I was casually lounging in his arms. I could sense he wanted to kiss me but he wasn’t the least bit agressive and continued to hold me.

About 2 hours later. We both had other responsibilities. As he was leaving I told him. I mumbled out a string of sentences essentially saying “Hey I have a complicated relationship with physical affection… I don’t always call it this but the most accurate way to describe me is *asexual*” I stared down at my feet and told him he did nothing wrong I just needed him to know. I ran back inside.

I followed up over text because I was just too anxious to say anymore in person. He told me he’s a little scared of crossing a line but that it’s not my fault and I’m just gonna have to help him. He admitted that it was new to him but he wanted to persue me regardless of my orientation (he even called it that which made me really happy) We briefly talked boundaries and I made sure he knew that I was still attracted to him romantically. I ended the conversation by saying that I wouldn’t mind if he kissed me now that he knows about me. We both laughed at and he thanked me for trusting him enough to say something.

*Why am I telling Tumblr this:*

Real life is not the Internet. Not everyone equates intimacy and sex. While not everyone you date is going to be the right fit for you and your asexuality—Hecc, I barely know how Guy and I are gonna last—there are people out there that understand (or are willing to). There are asexual people ready to date asexual people. There are sexually attracted people who would be proud to call an asexual person their SO.

You just have to use your strength to say something.

Clear up those misconceptions.

Tell them what you need, and what you need them to refrain from doing.

Love yourself and the right person will love you.

Yes it’s difficult at times. You may think: “What if they don’t believe me that I like/love them?” “What if they think I’m implying they are a sex obsessed deviant?” “What if they think I’m useless?”

You just have to look out for the ones that are willing to listen regardless of their prior understanding.

Being asexual presents it’s own set of unique obstacles; statistically way more people are sexually attracted to others than they are asexual. And that’s okay. Give life a chance.

*But most importantly*

Do it when you are ready. I chose to tell him then because I have chosen to continue seeing him. If you do not feel safe. You don’t have to tell. Everything is up to you. :)

12 notes View Post

ace-with-anxiety

8 years ago

The key to being happy is accepting where you are in life and making the most out of everyday.

Unknown (via tamaresc)

113 notes View Post

ace-with-anxiety

6 years ago

I got an ironman fidget cube from my boyfriend and I can imagine Tony Stark making a line of autistic-friendly avenger themed stim toys for kids.

submitted by @istandintheshadowofgodsandtitans

Tony Stark would 100%, absolutely do that!!! And that’s an amazing fidget cube oh my goshh!!

134 notes View Post

ace-with-anxiety

8 years ago

Small talk is varying degrees of enjoyable to terribly draining depending on the person it’s with. People that like to hear their own voices but, also want to be certain they have your attention are the most tiring I find.

35 notes View Post

ace-with-anxiety

8 years ago

It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.

Buddha (via infj-misc)

250 notes View Post

ace-with-anxiety

7 years ago