Yoshitoshi ABe’s An Omnipresence In The Wired || 安倍吉俊の『an Omnipresence In The Wired』

Having only recently realized as a 21 year old that I definitely have autism, I’m gonna make a list of all the things I thought were just me being weird or even that I thought everyone also did but were actually symptoms like omfg.

This is obviously a list of my own personal experiences and also kind of just for me to get it out there, but please feel free to reblog or reply with yours if you’re also coming to realization later in life!! 💞

1. AUDITORY PROCESSING DISORDER!! This was the tipping point for me realizing. I always thought I was just hard of hearing but nope!!! I can remember being 16 and trying to explain this to my old psychiatrist as everyone “sounding like they’re speaking simlish” which obviously fans of The Sims know is just gibberish, but she was interpreting it as me just knowing a whole other defined language 🤦🏻‍♀️ Which actually brings me to my next point…

2. Trying to explain things to people in a way that totally makes sense to me but barely anyone seems to understand what I’m trying to say. Like the words are wrong I guess, but they’re the only ones I can think of so I get seriously stumped. And then I try to correct myself but after two attempts and the person is still not getting it I just give up. Then there’s the even worse side of this where I’m just talking or making a joke but then my mom gets mad at me because I’m being “rude” but I don’t understand why. I’m not sure if I just wasn’t conveying my intentions properly or if I did actually say something rude and I just don’t know it. This fear has caused me to have really bad anxiety.

3. Asking someone a question but they don’t answer “the right way” so you just ask them again (and sometimes several more times). But not always right away and also you don’t always realize you’re asking again.

4. Thinking of how much mental and physical effort it takes to speak and becoming so extremely overwhelmed by it that you just remain silent, sometimes not by choice

5. In conversations with others and you’re spending the whole time formulating in your head what the “normal” response is rather than just naturally responding

6. ALWAYS GODDAMN BOUNCING MY LEG, tapping my foot, moving my arms, playing with my hair (a big one for movement and also touch stim), wiggling my toes (if I’m trying to be descreet), or just simply moving literally all of the time. I always thought I was just antsy but no. I cannot stop, I always have to be moving. People look at me weird.

7. Loud noises scaring me more than they should. The most prominent time I remember was getting so extremely scared to the point of tears every single time I’m at a parade and the fire trucks come by with ALL of their sirens on. Still to this very day. Even just hearing sirens close to me gives me anxiety it’s so loud

8. Total inability to retain focus on things. And actually I’ve known I have ADD for a few years but I didn’t think it was more than that.

9. If someone says something and the way they said it had a lovely cadence or it was just said funny or interestingly, I immedietly just repeat it in the same tone and pace without even thinking. It’s not even to make fun of someone, I just thought it sounded cool, but sometimes people get offended ://

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anngunnfoto

Many entities located in a newly discovered area of the Far Plane. Entities form a body of water 2 around them that acts as both a vehicle and shield, allowing them to climb the walls of their environment. When they get to the ceiling, they fall back into the water 2 and start the cycle again.

what are some autistic traits that not many people talk about? or generally that are lesser known traits?

This one is difficult, only because autism is so different for everyone. But, things I've come across that are common that are not the typical "difficulties with social interaction":

Lack of facial expressions or inappropriate facial expressions to the mood

Talking too loudly or too softly

Gastrointestinal issues

Difficulties with walking, like not swinging arms, or odd postures

Almost falling over constantly, or bad balance

Walking into door frames or walls or furniture or people

Lack of fear at a young age or being overly cautious at a young age (well before the usual developmental milestones)

Lack of self-understanding, such as when we're thirsty, hungry, need to use the toilet etc

Sitting in awkward positions

Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (higher rates of this co-occuring with autism)

Emotional attachment to inanimate objects

Being LGBTQ+ (higher rates in the autistic community, percentage wise.)

Eating disorders

Quick anger over "unimportant" things, with a sudden and quick cool down

Either a lack of an internal world (aphantasia) or an over active imagination that can dominate their real world

Maladaptive daydreaming (related to the above)

And that's just from the top of my head. There are heaps more, and there are so many that aren't the "can't understand conversation" traits.

I try to fight it, but some days it is really hard

im so fucking sick of people saying “you know what you did.” because no i dont. i have no fucking idea what i did and i cant fix it or apologize to you or not do it again if you dont fucking tell me what to be sorry about. if im asking what i did wrong, I DONT FUCKING KNOW WHAT I DID WRONG.