Yoshitoshi ABe’s An Omnipresence In The Wired || 安倍吉俊の『an Omnipresence In The Wired』

akiko higashimura’s princess jellyfish || 東村アキコの『海月姫』

Serial Expiraments Lain stimboard

Requested by my partner @tarotdeck13

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instagram: cheri.png

By autistic adult Erin Human of Human Illustrations.

Telling me that being upset by my intrusive thoughts is proof I'm a good person did jackshit to help me, ngl. In fact, all it did was make me feel like I HAD to go down a spiral of horror and self-hatred any time I had those thoughts in order to prove those thoughts didn't make me a monster. I still feel like that.

But the most helpful advice I got about them was genuinely just to treat them gently. Laugh. Roll my eyes. Go "not my brain acting up again 🙄" or "Bro, I do no want to do that, shut up 😩".

Like...Telling people their suffering is proof they're good people isn't really helpful, in the long run. Or at all, for plenty of us. We need to be working WITH our brains, instead of constantly fighting against them. I have this tiny section in my journal, where when I was feeling okay, I wrote myself a note on intrusive thoughts and hallucinations and there's a line I keep in mind:

"Having thoughts-it's like an ocean; shit washes up sometimes. And then, if you let it, it gets washed away."

You have to let it wash away. You can't pick up every piece of crap that washes up and study it, keep it in your little backroom, trying to determine why it's here and what its purpose is. Babe, you're not a marine biologist. Sometimes bullshit is just bullshit and you've gotta train yourself to recognize that. You don't have to be disgusted every time you run across it. You can just keep moving.

what it’s like to learn that you’re autistic as an adult.

“im a seed

and i’ve been sowed on to sand.

my whole life i’m raised as a crop seed, like my friends and family. so that’s what i believe i am.

but i can see them growing, and im still just a seed.

i just don’t fit in.

i wonder whats was wrong with me.

i start to think maybe i’m a bad seed, not meant to be successful.

When i turned 18 i was pulled into the ocean by the tide.

i’m panicking because i know i can’t survive out here alone. no one prepared me for this.

i get to the bottom of the ocean.

i realize this is reality. there’s nothing i can do about it. this is just adulthood.

i start to sprout.

the only way this is possible is if im actually a sea plant. but there’s no way. my parents would have told me.

but i never was a crop seed.

i’ve always been sea weed.

i start to grow.

and i realize there was never anything wrong with me.

so now i know who i am, and i can live the rest of my life. happily, a sea weed.”

Knowing two autistics with such vastly different needs is a real mind trip.

One works full-time, can make small talk (although she really struggles), can shop and go out (she hates it though and needs lots of notice), talks "normal", interacts and understands people with only limited troubles.

Then, the other one has to use AAC at times, makes no facial expressions, and if they do talk it's monotone, can't hold a conversation without extreme exhaustion, has frequent shutdowns and loathes her difficulties. She stims and self-harms.

The fact that they're both me, is what people don't realise.

Don't assume autistic needs based on the brief mask they present you.

THIS!!!!!

[ID: Gray text on a peach backround that reads, "Autistic people may refer to analogies, metaphors, song lyrics, or pop culture references to help us communicate our feelings. Please don't disgard what we're saying if we use song lyrics or too many metaphors, or actual movie dialogues. We're trying to convey what we are feeling. Just because we borrow other people's words for it doesn't mean it's less valid." End Description.]

What it's like to have conversations with someone who has Autism Spectrum Disorder and/or ADHD

(Spoken from my own experience)

I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was a kid, and ASD a few weeks ago.

I didn't have many friends because I was seen as annoying when I'd talk about my soexial intrests.

I try to control myself when I talk about something I'm incredibly interested in, but sometimes I do go too far.

I'd suggest letting an autistic person "talk it out" until they retire a subject. But from my experience I don't know when to quit.

So please when you would like to get an autistic person to retire a subject, DO NOT YELL AT THEM!

Spoken from personal experience, I was talking very intensely about a special intrest to a friend and without realizing it started yelling.

This friend decided to yell at me back, not in a mean way but to try to get me to be quitet.

I forget that other people have different opinions and that it's weird to get so passionate about certain topics.

That person yelling at me broke my self confidence and I immediately shut up and retracted from talking completely.

I knew if I started talking again I would start crying so I just didn't talk at all.

Sometimes it really feels like I'm an alien trying to understand when someone gets tired of me.

Is there anyone who gets what im saying?

I feel really alone.