Final/Part 4: Messing With Straight Hair!

Dick hums the same little tune every time he visits Jason’s grave. When Jason returns as Red Hood his first play is to capture Nightwing, Batman’s star pupil, his golden boy. While he’s waiting for Bruce to react, Jason hums it to himself. Nightwing goes still, a moment before he breaks free of his bindings and pins Jason to the wall, snarling “how do you know that song?” Jason blinks at him a few times before responding, surprisingly, both because he’s caught off guard by Dicks reaction and because, well… it’s the truth. “My big brother used to sing it to me. While I slept.” 

written

By every metric Babs should be one of the most popular Batfam characters in fandom. By every metric - longevity, relevance in pop culture, adaptations, appearances in comic events, relationships to other popular characters, compelling stories, nuanced and flawed and interesting personality, she literally has it all. Even if you don't like her modern incarnation, she has so many Oracle stories to pick up and delight in. If we're going to speculate why she isn't popular in fandom, our first thought should be misogyny.

Batman, how the f**k did you imply that!?

Bruce coming home from a justice league meeting going up to the bat computer Tim is sitting there Dick is leaning on the chair to look at the screen, Bruce sits down taking his cawl off and just looks up at the bats on the ceiling Dick and Tim notices Bruce's odd behavior.

Dick: uh you okay B ?

Bruce let's out the most exhausted sigh Dick has ever heard from the man. This makes Tim stop typing and look over as well

Bruce:... I might have implied that I was...

Bruce's voice trills off into a whisper.

Dick: what?

Bruce: that as Batman, Bruce Wayne is my sugar daddy...

Tim:...

Dick:...

Bruce sighs again.

Dick: this is why you need to tell them your identity dad

Bruce: unfortunately I can never tell them now because I will die of embarrassment

Dick: B you have to tell them

Bruce: do you want me to die of embarrassment Dick?

No Justice League identity reveal but Nightwing gets recruited to be a member

Batman wants to keep his family safe but also realizes that his baby boy is a grown man and can make his own decisions, even if this baby gives him a heart attack.

Nightwing is strong, smart, and levelheaded in battle. He’s got a good personality that many heroes, young and old, admire greatly. It would be a great disservice to the the hero world.

So Nightwing joins the Justice Leauge.

Boom, immediately everyone feels like something is wrong. Nightwing is a legend of his own in the superhero community, just like Batman. Obviously, the League figured the only two unpowered humans in the team would get along, but this is too much

Nightwing is constantly on him. Hanging off his shoulders, playing with his fingers, draped over his lap, flipping off his shoulders??? Doing a whole acrobatic routine based on Batman’s body??? It’s strange and off putting.

Batman pretends like it’s not even happening, like he’s completely used to it.

He calls him nicknames, mocks his voice and his serious attitude, argues with him. It’s like the League has been dumped in an alternate dimension. (They’ve checked, but no… still the same dimension)

Now, something hero’s are painfully aware of is that Batman can be kinda territorial about his food. He doesn’t do jokes about trying to steal his food. He leveled Hal with such a flat stare that the man actually apologized and stayed silent for an entire lunch period

And Nightwing has grown close enough to all the main League members that he’s invited to sit at their ‘table’ for lunch. Another reason they’re suspicious of Nightwing, he voluntarily sits by Batman

Nightwing has his own food and finishes it in record speed (obvi not counting Flash) but then… he starts picking at Batman’s…?

Batman doesn’t even blink or slap his hand away. Then Nightwing opens his mouth like a baby bird waiting to be fed and… Batman feeds him??? He cuts off the best part of his steak and just pops it into Nightwing’s mouth.

Why are they both acting like this is complete normal???

Nightwing is stealing his lunches, taking snack out of his utility belt (which is just wow cause why does Batman carry so many snacks??), taking sips of his drinks or just stealing the whole thing for himself

It’s absolutely crazy

And on rare occasions, when Nightwing is eating something he doesn’t like or can’t finish, he just pushes over to Batman. And he eats it!!

The League checks again just to make sure they still haven’t been transferred to another dimension

Dick, bouncing into the cave happily, his arms outstretched for a hug: B!

Bruce, incredibly overstimulated from a long day of Gala’s, tea parties, and other social events: No *actively shrinking into himself*

Dick, stepping back but still smiling: No good today? Thats alright, can I sit by you?

Bruce, avoiding his son’s eyes and trying his best to unclench his hand: *nods*

Dick hums softly and sits on the floor by Bruce’s chair: Thanks Dad… can I keep talking?

Bruce twitches and thinks it over, before shaking his head: No

Dick, nods and pulls out his phone, content on being silent his with his Dad

Jason: Come on, Bruce, the math thing isn't the problem. Patrolling is keeping you and Clark apart. You two just need to bone.

Dick: chuckles nervously

Bruce: What did you say?

Dick: Don't say it again.

Jason: I said you two need to bone.

Dick: whimpers

Bruce: How dare you, Jason Todd. I am your father! 

———

Five Minutes Later: Bone! 

Ten Minutes Later: What happens in my bedroom, Jason, is none of your business. 

Twenty Minutes Later: Bone?! 

Thirty Minutes Later: Don't ever speak to me like that again.

Jason: how ya likin’ that comic, kiddo? Damian: I do not understand. Jason: what? It’s just a spider-man comic. What’s not to understand? Damian: why is Parker pursuing this red-haired woman, who does not seem to enjoy his company further than any other, rather than his friend, Osborn? Osborn has given multiple hints that he would prefer their relationship to go beyond platonic Jason: Jason: *glances over at Jon, who is reading a Daredevil comic on the other bed* Damian: should he not pursue Osborn, considering he is already aware that their relationship can withstand hardship? Friendship is a sturdy baseline for which romance can be built soon. And besides, Mary Jane is an un-compelling idiot with mediocre looks. Jason: Jason: this explains so much

They should make a new Batman vs Superman with the new Batman and Superman but instead of fighting they make out sloppy styl- WHAT! WHO SAID THAT?! WHO SAID THAT?