Connor Tried To Be There Every Time One Of His Siblings Was Born And Visit Them In The Hospital. He Went

Just a bunch of useful websites

12ft – Hate paywalls? Try this site out.

My Fridge Food – No idea what to make? Tell this site what ingredients you have on hand and it will give you recipes to cook.

Project Gutenberg – Always ends up on these type of lists and for very good reason. All works that are copyright free in one place.

Ninite – New PC? Install all of your programs in one go with no bloat or unnecessary crap.

Unchecky – Tired of software trying to install additional unwanted programs? This will stop it completely by unchecking the necessary boxes when you install.

Sci-Hub – Research papers galore! Check here before shelling out money. And if it’s not here, try the next link in our list.

LibGen – Lots of free PDFs relate primarily to the sciences.

Zotero – A free and easy to use program to collect, organize, cite and share research.

Car Complaints – Buying a used car? Check out what other owners of the same model have to say about it first.

CamelCamelCamel – Check the historical prices of items on Amazon and set alerts for when prices drop.

Have I Been Pawned – Still the king when it comes to checking if your online accounts have been released in a data breach. Also able to sign up for email alerts if you’ve ever a victim of a breach.

Radio Garden – Think Google Earth but wherever you zoom, you get the radio station of that place.

Just The Recipe – Paste in the url and get just the recipe as a result. No life story or adverts.

Tineye – An Amazing reverse image search tool.

My 90s TV – Simulates 90’s TV using YouTube videos. Also has My80sTV, My70sTV, My60sTV and for the younger ones out there, My00sTV. Lose yourself in nostalgia.

Foto Forensics – Free image analysis tools.

Old Games Download – A repository of games from the 90’s and early 2000’s. Get your fix of nostalgia here.

Online OCR – Convert pictures of text into actual text and output it in the format you need.

Remove Background – An amazingly quick and accurate way to remove backgrounds from your pictures.

Twoseven – Allows you to sync videos from providers such as Netflix, Youtube, Disney+ etc and watch them with your friends. Ad free and also has the ability to do real time video and text chat.

Terms of Service, Didn’t Read – Get a quick summary of Terms of service plus a privacy rating.

Coolors – Struggling to get a good combination of colors? This site will generate color palettes for you.

This To That – Need to glue two things together? This’ll help.

Photopea – A free online alternative to Adobe Photoshop. Does everything in your browser.

BitWarden – Free open source password manager.

Atlas Obscura – Travelling to a new place? Find out the hidden treasures you should go to with Atlas Obscura.

ID Ransomware – Ever get ransomware on your computer? Use this to see if the virus infecting your pc has been cracked yet or not. Potentially saving you money. You can also sign up for email notifications if your particular problem hasn’t been cracked yet.

Way Back Machine – The Internet Archive is a non-profit library of millions of free books, movies, software, music, websites and loads more.

Rome2Rio – Directions from anywhere to anywhere by bus, train, plane, car and ferry.

Splitter – Seperate different audio tracks audio. Allowing you to split out music from the words for example.

myNoise – Gives you beautiful noises to match your mood. Increase your productivity, calm down and need help sleeping? All here for you.

DeepL – Best language translation tool on the web.

Forvo – Alternatively, if you need to hear a local speaking a word, this is the site for you.

so can we start hunting down white liberals now or what

Hard To Love (Roman Roy Oneshot)

Character/s: Roman

Word Count: 1,210

Inspired By: Puke by Ava Maybee I loveeeee this song

Tag: @locke-writes

A/N: This is definitely for therapy lol I hope no one minds. Ya gurl feels very unlovable atm. Idk. It stems from something someone said to me once, someone who is supposed to love me unconditionally, they said I am hard to love. Of course I forgive them, I love them, but it still stings y'know? Feedback is always appreciated 💜💜💜

Is there something wrong with me? You don't know if you’ve spoken the words or only thought about them. Either way he rocks you both back and forth, arms around you, hushing your fears. Your cheek is pressed against his chest, his heartbeat rapid, playing a tune you can’t quite name. Is there? There must be. Some innate, genetic wrongdoing. Something must be missing from you to make you this way. Sensitive. Forgotten. An easy target. They shoot their arrows into you, through you, but you always come crawling back. Always. The pain, the blood loss, the look in their eyes, none of that matters. You don’t matter. They know they can do whatever they want and you’ll cling to them like a lost child. Because they’re your family. Because they’re supposed to love you unconditionally. But they don’t. And that is not a fault on their part, but your own. You have done something to make them hate you, you have done something to make them turn on you, it is all your fault. You’ve seen them love others the way you have wanted to be loved. You have seen them be so caring, so devoted, so in love with someone it breaks you into pieces. It threatens to undo your very soul. There is something about you that is so undeserving, so unlovable, so broken that they could never fathom treating you that way. They could never see you as something to care for, to give a second thought. 

Is it my fault? No, he fights back, no, no, never. But he’s wrong, biased, blinded. You’ve done a good job fooling him. Everything is. Right? Everything, everyone’s emotions, their well-being, it’s all on you. You take care of them. You heal their wounds. You dry their eyes. And in return, you get nothing. You are forgotten. His arms grow tight around you, together, stronger, as if he thinks holding you will keep your brokenness from showing. Pieces of you slide off his lap, shattering against the ground. You want to fight against him, against his word, but you’re too tired. Exhausted. Tears well up in your eyes, threatening to fall. It can’t be like this every time. You question why you come crawling back every time, hind legs wounded, but you do it. The moment they give you a second of attention, you forget everything that has ever happened. Every unkind word. Every look. Every comment. It sticks into your hair like gum. You are so hard to love. A direct quote. Spoken to you in a moment of fury, of anger. Does that make it any easier to swallow? Does it make it any better knowing it was spoken out of frustration? No. The anger bites back, chewing you to bits and pieces. It is the hard truth, the thing that needed to be said. He knows the sensation, that sinking feeling in the pit of your chest, the expectations you’ve been carrying for this single moment deflating, dying in your arms. 

Why am I so hard to love? You whimpered through the bathroom door. What, what are you talking about? He jiggled the handle, but it wouldn’t budge. You sat with your back against the door, not letting him in. You wanted to, no you needed to be alone. To cry this out. I can’t help you if you won’t let me in. You didn’t want his help though, you didn’t feel worthy of it. You deserved to be alone, to feel alone. You were a burden, a hindrance, something people didn’t want alone. You kept running through the list in your head, all the reasons, the myriad of explanations. If they picked one, just one, maybe you could change it. Fix it. Fix you. Make yourself into something deserving of love. You pressed your face into your crossed arms, feeling small. Insignificant. He slid down to your level, speaking quietly, tenderly. You know whatever they said or did, it’s not on you. No one who loves someone would hurt them like this. Like his father. Like your family. You just shrugged, knowing he can’t see. You weren’t sure why you listened to them, why you let it get under your skin, it just did. Too sensitive, they called it, as if it were a bad thing. As if it were another reason to disregard your tears, your feelings. You never should have gone home, but you missed it, the idea of home. This grand notion that things would be different, they would be different. You always do. Hopeful, he calls it. Fucking stupid, you correct. It's naive of you to think they’d ever change, ever soften, ever share the same heart as you do. As soon as you go back you remember why you left, why you built this little life with him in your home, why you came home crying every time. 

Maybe he should have warned you. He didn’t want to dampen the mood. Roman could see how excited you were, proud to show yourself and all your achievements, no matter how small. Naming every relative, how much you missed them, how long it’s been since you’ve seen them. Maybe he should have gone with you, protected you, becoming your human shield. It wouldn’t have mattered. You wouldn’t have let him get hurt like that. They were smart in their cruelty, knowing just the right insecurities, the right buttons to push to shatter who you are inside. He watched you try on countless outfits, worried they wouldn’t like what you chose, worried you wouldn’t make the best impression. It didn’t matter what you chose in the end, they had enough choice words about your body regardless. Y/n, will you let me in? He asked softly, not moving. You let the question hang in the air, sniffling, letting yourself relax, take deep breaths. He checked your bedroom, the couch, kitchen, every nook and cranny where you might try to hide. This always happens. The disappearing act, the lack of self-worth, the hatred turn in on yourself. It’s them you should be mad at, but you can’t be. You love them too much. You need them too much to think harshly of them. The handle turns, the door creaking open. He moves with open arms which you fall into.  He doesn’t have any jokes to make it better, anything to lighten the mood, he knows better than that. Now, you need comfort. You need soothing and reassurance. Your head against his chest, the rest of you heavy with grief. You go back every time because you want to be loved the way you’re supposed to, the way all the songs and shows and movies promise you: unconditionally. And every time you’re disappointed. Because your life, this life, isn't a movie. It doesn’t have a happy ending. It just keeps going despite the heartache, despite the pain. It threatens to collapse in on you, cave in, when it gets bad. There’s no such thing as unlovable, he says to you, to himself, to the universe. Discarded like a kicked puppy. He can handle it from his father, Gerri, everyone, but you? You don’t deserve that. There’s no such thing as unlovable, he’s sure of it.

i love your writing sm!!! i was wondering if you can do a studying with steve one to where he’s struggling with a subject and ur explaining it to him and he’s like not paying attention and just kinda admiring the reader ?? i think it would be so cute thank uu bye!! ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

gn!reader. hi thank you for ur request and the compliments <3 it's like tutoring instead of studying

“…there’s three stop codons, and— Steve, are you even listening to me?”

The library’s quiet, a half-hour from closing and it was only you and Steve and a librarian glaring at you for keeping her until they actually kicked you out for the night.

Steve blinks slowly.

“I’m listening,” he tells you, but he wrinkles his nose up and you know he’s lying because Steve Harrington is an awful liar.

“Okay, sure,” you say, rubbing at your tired eyes and taking another sip from your near-empty cup of coffee. “So, as I was saying — three stop codons that indicate the end of translation— Steve!”

Steve’s not really listening. He didn’t care that he was teetering on the edge of an F in biology because he didn’t care about biology either. He didn’t care about college and he didn’t care about what his parents thought about him since he was destined to be a deadbeat anyway.

And then there’s you. Charming, sweet you that only wanted the best for him and, really, how was he supposed to say no when you offered to tutor him?

And you were the total opposite of him. Hot-shot smartypants you set on the path to becoming valedictorian, found in corners with your nose buried in a book or annotating some research article he couldn’t bring himself to be interested in.

You swipe at your nose, thumbing through the pages of the thick biology textbook in front of you.

“I guess it’s not all that important,” you say, seeming a bit affronted by his lack of interest. “The unit’s almost over. You just need to memorize the stop codons and you’re good as gold, okay?”

Steve nods, markedly bored. Maybe it was sort of oddball for him to be jealous of a textbook — it was a textbook, for crying out loud, but it was the object of attention and he, beyond doubt, was not.

And he’s looking at you and he feels like he’s starring in a cheesy rom-com, harboring a secret crush on his tutor, then he’d get good and smart after enough tutoring and you’d disappear because he didn’t need you to help him anymore. It was the worst possible cliché.

The way the light catches on the tip of your nose, eyelashes fluttering as you flip through the chapters, lips pursed but you still managed to look pretty, even with wrinkles creasing your forehead that he would’ve found unflattering had it been anyone else.

Your words are a sort of unintelligible hum and he can’t look away but he doesn’t want to. You with your sweet smile and your perfect hair and soft sweater, good-looking without even trying, and perhaps evilly, without knowing, either.

“…and I think that’s all you really need to know,” you say, standing up and crossing your arms over the book you hold to your chest. “I can bring you a copy of my notes tomorrow. Night, Steve.”

Then he’s facing your back as you slip between bookshelves, a brio to your step despite the late hour and he’s completely and utterly taken with you.

masterlist thank you for reading ♡

I really like the idea of Vamp!Eddie ◝(*'◡'*)◜

(i'm shit at shadeing daaamn)

Dependence Pt. 5 (Roy!Sibling x Roy Family)

Alternatively Titled: We Ain't Angry At You Love, You're The Greatest Thing We Lost I am getting this lyric tattooed on my body I'm dead serious

Characters: Kendall, Roman, Shiv, Connor, Logan

Word Count: 1,879

Inspired By: We'll All Be Here Forever by Noah Kahan

Tag List: @locke-writes

A/N: All I have is the snippet to listen to and it makes me sob every time. I'm thinking of moving 1k miles away from my family, from my home, from everything, and every bone in my body wishes they felt the way this song feels. Every nerve in my body wants them to feel this way. I hope they'll miss me that much. Anyways, it reminded me of Baby Roy and the Succession finale. Yes I did cry while writing, what about it lol!! Feedback is always appreciated!!! 💜💜💜

Dependence Pt. 1 / Dependence Pt. 2 / Dependence Pt. 3 / Dependence Pt. 4

Being The Youngest Roy Would Include: Pt. 1

Being The Youngest Roy Would Include: Pt. 2

You’re gonna go far, he says into you, his arms tight around you. You try to stop yourself from crying. Again. Sniffling into him, into his shoulder. Everything about this moment makes you want to turn around. To call the whole thing off. But then, how can you call off an entire lifetime? Your bags linger at your feet, everything you could fit into two suitcases. You didn’t start out like this, the day didn’t start out like this, but as it progressed, as things fell into place, you realized there was no place for you. In their lives, of course. Connor promised you your old room again, if you ever wanted to visit. But this place, this apartment, this city, it wasn’t yours anymore. It wasn’t home. You’re not sure it ever was to begin with. You remember to call me when you land, okay? An,whenever you need someone to talk to, I’m always here. He has this shake in his voice, the kind that tells you he’s doing his very best to keep himself together. Composed. You can’t say anything, the words getting caught in your throat. Instead you just nod, sobbing into his sweater. He holds you tighter, rubbing your back. When he stops, he cups your face, meeting your teary eyes, wiping your cheeks. Pops would be so proud of you. He wouldn’t. He never was. But at some point you have to stop chasing something that never existed, something you can never have. You smile for Connor’s sake. Maybe he really believes it. Maybe he’s just saying it. Either way, you’re glad you went to him. You’re glad you told him. You’re gonna so far, you have no idea. He sighs, as if the words have been sitting on his chest for a long time. As if this is the first time in your life he’s felt real, genuine relief. You want to be held a little longer. You want to be loved the only way a father, a father by choice rather than blood, could ever love their child. Without conditions, without restraints, without a ceiling or a floor. Infinite. Beautiful. You’ll have to let go eventually, part ways, but for now he holds you like he did when you were an infant. Never could he have imagined the life you’d live. It was a fantastic surprise. You were a fantastic surprise. 

You continue to awe him every single day. 

You catch him at the bar, nursing a martini. Your hands begin to shake, but you settle them at your side, sitting beside him. You can do this. He wasn’t expecting you, sliding his drink away from you. You’re okay, you’ll be okay. You can be around it, you have to in order to say goodbye. He notices the luggage before you have the chance to say anything. Going somewhere? You bite your inner cheek. Yes, actually. He turns to you. His stitches have opened, the wound bright and red. Angry. You try to read his expression. There’s a hint of fear. He saw you in that bed, screaming, crying, begging not to be alive anymore. You knew he meant it out of love, but you couldn’t face it anymore. You couldn’t be looked at like that anymore. If you wanted a fresh start, a real one, you had to get away. You had to find somewhere with people who saw you for you, not your mistakes, not your darkest moments. Somewhere inside him, he understood that. Somewhere inside him, he wanted the same thing. Leaving for him wasn’t an option, though. Is that so? What does Mummy think about that? He sips his drink. You don’t want to roll your eyes at him. You don’t want to be annoyed with him. You’re not sure how long it’ll be before you’ll see him again. I, I didn’t tell her. I’m not telling her. He lets your answer settle for a moment. You’re not sure what he’s thinking. You never have been sure. Roman could be so unreadable, so unpredictable. You keep talking, trying to fill the silence, a lump developing in your throat. You’re speaking so fast, almost hysterical. You have to explain yourself. You have to explain yourself or you’ll die. I have to get away. I’m not sure for how long, I just, I can’t be here anymore. I have to stay sober and I can’t do that here. It’s not because of you, because of any of you, I want you to know that. I’m, I’m sorry if that upsets you or makes you ang- But he interrupts you, leaning over, hugging you. Not as tight as Connor. It’s as if he’s afraid to touch you still, afraid to hurt you. Gentle. You feel his muscles tense then relax. Whatever you gotta do, you do. Just don’t scare me like that again. You promise him it will never happen again. 

It won’t. It doesn’t. The hurt from home doesn’t follow you, wherever you go. 

You can’t reach the other two. You try calling, the deja vu twisting your stomach. The last time you tried to reach them, the last time. . . No. Stop it. This isn’t that. You’re better now. Shiv picks up, waiting for you to talk. You don’t care what happened. You don’t care what went down in that boardroom. You don’t care that he’s CEO now, that you lost. She’s your sister. The same sister that comforted you after nightmares, who iced your bruises, who wanted the best for you from day one. Whatever happened couldn’t change that. She gave you so many chances, time after time, and you let her down. You let everyone down. She still cares, she always would. You would, too. The words come up, out, before you can stop them. How much you love her, how much you’re going to miss her, how badly you need this, how much you wish you could be with her right now. You hear her take a sharp inhale in, a shudder in her voice. I’ll come and visit, yeah? Wherever you end up, I’ll be there, okay? You nod. Yeah, yeah of course. You can feel your eyes well up again. She was your big sister, the only maternal figure you’d ever known. It wasn’t your mother who shushed you to sleep at night, holding you close. It wasn’t your mother who gasped at the bruises you gave yourself in a fit of rage. It wasn’t your mother who climbed into that hospital bed with you when you were sick and scared and didn’t want to fall asleep alone. It was Shiv. You're Shivy. Your sister. Do you have everything packed? Always fretting, always worrying. Yes, Mom. You laugh. You know she’ll be a good mother. Maybe she doesn’t think so, maybe Tom doesn’t, but you do. She took care of you your whole life. She’s still trying to. You um, you have your chargers? Extra socks? Do you need me to- I’ll be okay, you interrupt. You’re both quiet for a moment, taking one another in. You can feel her wanting. Wanting to reach through the phone and kiss your cheek, to hold you so close your hearts beat at the same time. Wanting to keep you there forever, not wanting to let go.

She always knew this day would come, though. You’d always had big plans. You could never be confined like the rest of them. 

You couldn’t reach Kendall. It went straight to voicemail. So you sat in the lobby of Waystar, trying to figure out exactly how to put it. Every thought in your mind, every thank you and I’m sorry and forgive me and I forgive you. Everything that’s ever sat between you two into a compact, meaningful message. You didn’t want to worry him, that was the last time you wanted, for any of them. You sat and watched everyone pass by. They were celebrating the new owner, one of the biggest deals they’d ever made. Some on their way to get drunk, others drunk already. Too much champagne. Finally, after a long time, you called again, listening to his voice play the message. Kendall, it’s me, you start. What next? You’re sorry. You’re sorry for putting them through all that you’ve put them through. The alcohol, the drugs, all those scary nights where they didn’t know where you were, if you were okay. All those nights where you weren’t sure where you were, if you’d make it out. You were sorry for calling him that night, for putting the blame on him if anything happened. You were sorry for blaming him. For not being the baby sibling he deserved. He deserved better, he expected better. I’m uh, I’ll be out of town for a while. You forgave him. You forgave him for all those outbursts, all those times he hurt you and Shiv and Con and especially Rome. You forgave him for turning into your father, the man you despised, the man you feared, the man you loved. I’ll be okay. I won’t, I’m not, I’m clean. I’ll stay that way. You loved him. You loved him despite the fear, despite the outbursts, despite the narrow path he chose to take. You loved him, and love him, because he’s your brother. He begged for you to stay awake, stay conscious. He wanted you to live even when you didn’t. That night, he looked like a ghost. I’m gonna miss you. A lot. Thank you for taking care of me, for loving me, for being there, you want to say. Thank you for being the best brother you could given the circumstances. Thank you for protecting me from him, from everyone. Call me when you can. I love you. Bye. 

This isn’t some magic answer to your sobriety. This isn’t a cure. Hell, it might be you running away again. Who knows? But you can feel it, finally. The anger, the rage, the wrath. That burden starts to feel less heavy day by day. It won’t disappear completely. You’re a Roy, it’s in your blood, in your genes. But it gets easier to carry, to hold, to take with you everywhere. You don’t want to cave in, not as much. Sure, a strong drink would help, but you made promises. You made promises you’d like to keep. Promises to yourself and to your family. You’d call Connor when you landed, wherever that is. You’ll tell Shivy, too, so she can come and visit. You’ll check in with Rome and give Kendall another call. Hopefully this time he picks up. Hopefully this time you can have a real conversation, you can talk to him, really thank him for all that he’s done. But you know your place is not here. Your people are, they always will. That mausoleum will be waiting for you like it waits for them. Eternity you’ll get to spend by their sides. Now though, now you have the choice. The choice to get better. The choice to get away. The choice to be free. You’ll see them again, you always will. They’re your brothers, your sister, the people who raised you. You’ll see them again despite the distance.

They can’t get rid of you that easily.

shakespeare is metal. (2/?)

pairing: eddie munson x fem!reader

summary: eddie munson desperately needs to graduate this year, and you're the only tutor that hasn't turned him down. (part 2 to "i’m not above begging")

warnings: cursing, mentions of murder/suicide (in regards to shakespeare), jason carver being a shithead (is that even a warning??)

a/n: you guyssss 🥺 I can’t believe the first part of this has 100 notes! thank you all so much for being so kind. i’m truly grateful for every single one of you that took the time to read this and provide such positive responses. it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. I got carried away again at 2,764 words (I have a too much gene, oops). as always, all feedback is welcomed/appreciated! please let me know if you want to be tagged in the next parts!

tags: @uraveragequeer

It had been three weeks since I had started tutoring Eddie. I really wasn’t sure what to expect when I had agreed to the arrangement in the first place. I had known of Eddie, but I didn’t know Eddie. Not really. The morning of our first tutoring session, I ransacked my entire closet trying to figure out what to wear. I had never given so much thought into an outfit, despite the obligatory first day of school outfit of course. I stared at my frazzled face in the mirror, cheeks glowing red from hurling clothes on and off my body, my once neatly curled hair now sticking out in odd places. Why do I suddenly care so much what Eddie Munson thinks of my clothes? He wears that same Hellfire shirt every other day. 

Eddie had agreed to meet me that Monday morning in the library at 7:30 am sharp. I had expected him to be late, partly because Eddie Munson was not known for his punctuality, but also because I literally had to give him directions to the library. It amused me that the place I had spent a majority of my time in high school, he had never stepped foot in. I arrived at 7:15 and took a seat at one of the tables near the back. The library was empty, not even the librarian had arrived yet. My knee bounced in anticipation as I continuously checked the clock behind the desk what felt like every 30 seconds. 

7:17. 7:19. 7:21. 7:23. 

Just as the minute hand landed at 7:30, Eddie Munson was bursting through the library doors with a large, goofy grin on his face. My face must have betrayed my inner thoughts, because he looked at me with a knowing smirk and pointed in my direction as he took a seat in front of me.

“You thought I wasn’t gonna show, didn’t ya?”

“No! I just..expected you to get lost..that’s all. Since you’ve never been in here. Um, let’s get started, yeah?”

“Sure. But just so you know, I’d never stand you up angel.”

Eddie shot me a wink and a lopsided grin, pulling out a pencil and a notebook that had definitely seen better days. And me? I was malfunctioning. Eddie Munson winked at me. And called me angel. And I liked it. Why did I like it so much?

That was essentially how all of our tutoring sessions had gone so far. Eddie would be his usual charming self, say or do something flirtatious, and I would be left a stuttering mess trying to steer his attention back to the task at hand, which was a victory in itself. That boy had the attention span of a baby goldfish when it came to topics he bore no interest in. Dungeons and Dragons? Oh he could go on for days. Shakespeare? I couldn’t even get him to hold a book in his hand for longer than 5 seconds.

“I don’t understand why I have to do this. Why do I have to agree that this old dude is ‘one of the greatest writers of our time’ when I think he sucks? It’s forced conformity. I mean who even decided Shakespeare was so ‘great’?  Why should we have to be forced to study him until the end of time because of one stuck up asshole’s opinion who’s clearly never read anything worthwhile? Now Tolkien, there’s a fucking writer. Why can’t I do this stupid project on Lord of the Rings?”

“Because you want to pass Mrs. O’Donnell’s class and graduate?”

Eddie groaned loudly, rubbing his large palms over his face and tilting his chair back as he put his feet up on the table which earned him a dirty look from the librarian. His arms crossed over his chest and he stared down at the several books in front of him with detest, as if each one of them had personally offended him. His final project was to pick a work of Shakespeare, read it, and write a three page essay on its meaning. The project itself wasn’t difficult, but Eddie was.

“Look why don’t you think of it as a..um..what do you call it in your game? A challenge?”

“Quest, sweetheart. It’s called a quest.”

Sweetheart. 

“R-Right, quest. Think of this as a quest. Shakespeare, is your key to getting out of Mrs. O’Donnell’s class, and Hawkins High itself. Except instead of dice, you have to write a paper.”

“But dice are so much cooler! The new set I got last week are-”

“Eddie.”

“Fine.”

Eddie grumbled and picked up a copy of Romeo and Juliet, eyeing the cover in disgust. His large brown eyes scanned over the various copies laying on the table, all of which he held with contempt. Eddie’s eyes were quickly becoming one of my favorite things about him. They were so warm and expressive, like large pools of melted chocolate. It was hard not to get lost in them. They felt like a safe space. His fingers slowly moved over the covers of the worn paperbacks, his large rings gleaming under the harsh lights in the library. Eddie’s hands were also becoming another one of my favorite things about him. They were so large, and everytime I looked at them, I remembered how soft and warm his skin felt against my own. Eddie was an expressive talker, always talking with his hands and animated gestures. I often found myself getting caught up in his movements, eyes so focused on following his fingers I couldn’t even hear what he was saying. During the past 3 weeks, my mind constantly wandered to his hands. He had mentioned being in a band once, which instantly sent my mind into a frenzy wondering what his hands looked like when he played.

Eddie had been a constant figure in my mind ever since our interaction in the tutoring center. The more time we spent together, the worse it seemed to get. I found myself worrying about my appearance more, tripping over my words in front of him, constantly looking for excuses to talk to him outside of our sessions. I had no idea what was happening to me or why I was all of a sudden so enthralled with Eddie Munson.

“Alright, level with me angel. Which one of these books will make me want to slam my head in my van door the least?”

The completely unamused expression on Eddie’s face caused me to laugh out loud. I quickly cupped one of my hands over my mouth and flashed the librarian an apologetic look. I shook my head as I regained my composure, looking over at Eddie who had a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. I made the mistake of letting Eddie know that I thought he was funny. Since the first time he made me giggle, he made it his personal mission to get at least one laugh out of me every session, no matter what it took. There was no length he wouldn’t go to.

“You are going to get us kicked out! I can’t be banned from the library Eddie, I practically live here! Look, Shakespeare is not that bad. If you would pay attention, you would know he’s actually pretty..metal.”

Eddie stared at me incredulously with wide eyes, his chair landing back on the floor with a loud thunk as he leaned over the table. His dark brows knit together in the middle of his forehead as he mimicked my words.

“I’m sorry..did you just say Shakespeare is..metal?”

“For his time, yeah. A lot of his plays involve murder, or suicide, or a murder-suicide. Some of them are pretty violent. He was also actually kind of a rebel. He wrote tons of plays that cryptically called out the royals of his time, knowing that they would be performed in front of them. He essentially mocked them to their faces, and they had no idea.”

Eddie’s eyes flickered between the titles on the table and me, disbelief written clearly all over his features. He leaned forward to rest his cheek in the palm of his hand. After several minutes of contemplation, he nodded slowly with a click of his tongue, his eyebrows raising in surprise.

“Huh, that is pretty fucking metal.”

I pulled out a copy of Hamlet from the stack and put it in front of Eddie, gently tapping on the cover.

“You’ll like this one. There’s murder, suicide, witchcraft and other supernatural stuff. Arguably one of Shakespeare’s best soliloquies. It’s one of my favorites. Plus, I think you’ll like Hamlet. He’s a drama queen, like you.”

Eddie let out a sharp gasp, covering his chest in an exaggerated fashion with one of his large hands. He painted an expression of mock offense and quickly stood from the chair, gaining everyone’s attention in the library.

“Excuse me? You..you think I’m a drama queen? Wow. I just..you know..you think you know someone and then..they just break your heart. Unbelievable. I really thought we had something Y/N, something special.”

I tried my hardest to contain my giggles, quickly reaching out to grasp onto Eddie’s wrist as he started to walk away from our table. My cheeks flamed when I realized all the other students in the library were staring at us. Some of them looked amused, some of them looked disgusted. I hated the way people stared at Eddie. I hated how much they judged him. 

“Eddie! Shh! Seriously, please sit down. If we get kicked out of the library, I can’t tutor you anymore. You know I can’t bring you to the tutoring center anymore.”

Eddie had been unofficially banned from the tutoring center after our second session for being a “distraction”. After ten minutes of drum solos with pencils, Eddie being well, just Eddie, and a heated exchange with one of the jocks, we moved permanently to the library. Although, it seemed like it was only a matter of time before we were unofficially banished from here as well.

Eddie crossed his arms over his chest, his long fingers nearly covering the entire front cover of the copy of Hamlet still in his hand. He cocked his head to the side and pursed his lips, eventually sitting on top of the table right next to my chair. The sudden closeness caused me to tense as the scent of his cologne filled my senses, leaving me somewhat dizzy.

“Fine. But only because I want to sit. Not because you said so. I want to make that perfectly clear.”

“Crystal. But for the record, you know you’re a drama queen. You practically put on your own Shakespearian show everyday at lunch.”

“Well if you wanted a front row seat sweetheart, all you had to do was ask.”

My next words of banter immediately caught in my throat, and I prayed to whoever was listening Eddie couldn’t see the change in color of my cheeks. Eddie Munson was a natural flirt. That was just his personality. I had to remind myself that several times over the past few weeks. He’s not flirting with you, dummy. He’s just being nice. He talks like this to everyone. Luckily the bell rang and saved me from becoming a stumbling mess in front of Eddie once again.

“I mean it, you should come sit with us sometime. If you’re feeling brave. See ya later, angel.”

I grumbled under my breath the entire walk to my locker. Damn Eddie Munson. Damn him and his stupid wink and stupid smirk and stupid cute dumb face that sends my brain into a total meltdown.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I barely registered the pair of blue eyes that were staring at me expectantly as I shut my locker door.

“Hey..you.”

Jason Carver. I had tutored him several times in the past two and a half years, and he still didn’t know my fucking name. I forced a tight-lipped smile on my lips and held my books protectively against my chest. 

“Hi Jason. What can I do for you?”

“I’m actually here about what I can do for you.”

My face must have given away my confusion, since Jason started to laugh and leaned against the locker next to mine. A little too close for my liking.

“You know, about the freak.”

“Excuse me?”

I hated the way that word rolled off his tongue so easily, as if it had said it a million times before. I knew he had. And I knew exactly who he was hurling that word at.

“Come on, you know you don’t have to tutor him right? You can say no.”

“No I can’t, Jason. It’s my job.”

“I know plenty of tutors who have turned that freak down, for good reason.”

“Well unlike them, I take my job seriously. I can’t just turn away a student that needs my help.”

Jason’s lips stretched into a grin that I’m sure was supposed to be charming, but to me it just looked threatening. Jason didn’t like to be challenged. He took a step forward to lean against my locker, placing his arm on the metal above my head. I didn’t like the way he towered over me. It made me feel like a helpless animal trapped by its prey, being taunted. 

“Look, I get it. You’re a sweet girl, and a saint if you ask me. I know you take it seriously. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have passed chemistry and been kicked off the team a long time ago. I owe you a lot. Which is why I’m here. I’m just looking out for you, okay? I know you try to see the good in people and all, but there’s no good in that devil worshiping freak. Like I said, I owe you. So if he starts to bother you, or make you feel unsafe, come to me. I just wanna protect you.”

Protect me? You don’t even know my fucking name. And you don’t know Eddie. It took everything in my power not to laugh in his face, every shred of self-control not to call him an asshole and to mind his fucking business. But I couldn’t do that. I’m the nice girl. Nice girls don’t talk like that. Nice girls don’t cause a scene. Nice girls smile and nod. So, that’s exactly what I did.

“Thank you, Jason. I appreciate you looking out for me.”

“Hey, you looked out for me. I just want to repay the favor. You’ll come to me, right? Promise?”

There was an edge to his tone, like he was daring me to disobey. My fingers gripped onto the spine of my math textbook so tightly I knew they had turned white. I did my best to appear natural, forging another submissive smile onto my lips.

“I promise.”

My answer seemed to satisfy him. He gave my shoulder a tight squeeze, threw me his most charming smile, and took off down the hall towards the gym. I felt dirty. I felt like I needed to take the most scalding hot shower I could stand to burn away every piece of evidence of Jason Carver’s hand on my shoulder. But mostly, I felt guilty. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t correct him. I didn’t stand up for Eddie, which is what I should have done. Social status be damned. Not like I really had one, but still. There was a nauseating feeling building in my stomach. He would have done it for you.

Eddie would have stood up for me. He wouldn’t have hesitated. He wouldn’t be a coward like me. At that moment, I wondered if he knew. I wondered if he could see right through me, see me for who I really was. A coward. A girl that always did as she was told so she didn’t make waves. A girl that kept quiet, and never spoke up, even against something she knew was wrong. Another conformist. 

He would be ashamed of you.

That one thought played over and over in my head all night as I laid in bed. That nauseous feeling never went away, it just continued to gnaw at my nerves and only grew in strength as the hours ticked away. I thought about Eddie, and how I was going to handle seeing his sweet smile while my guilt was eating me up inside. Tomorrow was going to be a long day.

Persecution (Roy!Sibling x Roman Roy)

Character/s: Roman, Jeryd, Kendall, Shiv

Word Count: 1,465

Requested: Hihihi!!! Would it be okay to request? Or maybe just as inspiration or something: i'd love to see the dynamic between roy!siblingreader and roman and how he would interact with them trying/being the big brother to them like connor and kendall are especially takeing care of them or being protective? I have severe roman brainrot rn lol and i love how you write each of them and overall the way you use words and how alive it all feels! ♡- anon

Inspired By: Family Jewels by Marina

Warning/s: sexual harassment, harassment, men being creeps

Tag: @locke-writes

A/N: You know I had to do it!!! You know I had to!!! I can't actually remember all of the election party episode, so this might be a bit off. My apologies!!! Stop my love, Roman makes my brain rot too he lives in there 24/7!!! Thank you for such kind words!!! I try my best :) I hope you like it!!! Feedback is always appreciated 💜💜💜

His hand lingers on the small of your back, on your shoulder, on your body. It burns all the way through. You don’t shake it off though. You can’t. So you smile and excuse yourself, trying to stop yourself from shuddering. It seems wherever you go, wherever you disappear, he is there. He is always there. If not in your presence, then calling, texting, emailing. He is obsessive, hungry, and you have been served to him on a silver platter whether they realize it or not. You sit alone on the couch, nursing your drink, your fourth or fifth of the night just to get through it. His knee touches you, his arm is around you. No one takes notice, not your brothers or sister. No one can save you. He speaks, but only to get closer, so close you can smell the scotch on his breath. He talks mindlessly of his campaign, of the work he and your brother have put into it. That is why you can’t resist. That is why you can’t push him away, throw your drink in his face, call him names that sit on the tip of your tongue. Because your brother has spent too much time building this relationship up, building this man up. You’ve told him time and time again that you don’t like him, that you side with your sister on this, but he doesn’t care. He is not your President yet, though God help you if he becomes him. You won’t be able to escape him. You won’t be able to run. 

His hand is on your thigh, inching down. As if his touch is fire you jump up, dropping your glass, spilling all over him, all over Shiv's carpet. Fuck, you think, fuck, fuck fuck. You apologize profusely despite yourself, picking up the shards. They glitter under the light. The mumble of the crowd never stops, there isn’t a single pause in conversation. You are the baby, the least significant one. These politicians, their groups, they don’t see you. They don’t notice you. No one is coming to help you. He doesn’t seem to notice your distress, instead leaning down, face to face with you, watching you avoid his eyes. He rubs your shoulder, explaining that it was an accident, no big deal. With his finger he tips your head up, smile for me, sweetie. You recoil, apologizing, taking what pieces you have, headed towards the kitchen. You’re unsteady on your feet, too tipsy. You drank too much. You curse yourself, trying not to let the tears that welled up in your eyes fall. You weren’t even supposed to be here. You were supposed to be home, safe, far away from him where he could not possibly reach you. But they wanted you here, they needed you here, the biggest night leading up to the election. You could never disappoint them. Never. So you showed up and you drank and now you’re in this mess. You can feel him behind you, like a shadow, close but not close enough. You catch one look behind you, biting back a scream. He shakes hands, introduces himself, cracks jokes, all while moving through the crowd. You are his target, you always have been. 

From the moment he laid eyes on you, you knew it was over. Too late. You were drowning and they were doing nothing to save you. He spoke to you like you were old friends, touchy from your moment of introduction. Y/n Roy, a pleasure to meet you. A kiss on the cheek. His arm snaking around your waist for the family photo. Pleading with your eyes, but no one to see, no one to understand. Your father was more than happy to serve you to him, proud you’d made a connection so quickly. Oblivious to your disgust, to your discomfort, as always. Still, he hadn’t been that proud of you in a long time, perhaps ever. You thought you could keep up the niceties until he lost, then you would rid yourself of him for good. And then your father died. And then Roman made his deal with him. And now? Now you’re leaning over the sink, trying not to throw up, your hands shaking at the thought of him being near you like that again. He got caught in conversation with a lesser political opponent, his eyes never leaving you. Someone had given him your contact information. First an email here and there. A thank you for being so kind to him. A proposition for coffee, then drink. Texts next. Jokes that fell flat. Apologies for your father. More dates, more events, all of them, he’s hoping, you’ll be there. Calls, too. Pictures. So many pictures. Silly ones, then not so funny. If he wasn’t constantly watching, talking, touching, then he was trying to. You never responded, but that didn’t stop him. It would never stop him. 

What were you going to do? 

You clutch the edge of the sink, taking a few deep breaths. As quickly as you can without making yourself even more nauseous, you cut through the pack, headed towards the bathroom. Without meaning to, your barge through your siblings semi-circle conversation. The tears are falling. All of them look up at you, startled, but you slam the door shut before they can ask anything. Shiv knocks softly, saying your name, trying to get you out. Y/n? Y/n what happened? Can you come out and talk to us? Knees to chest you slide down to the floor, drunk, tired, your skin still crawling. Trying to catch your breath. Y/n, come on, come out. Whatever happened, we can fix it. Kendall sounded exhausted. Rightfully so. You stifle a sob, the words coming out before you can stop them. I didn’t mean- I didn’t- I know this is important to you guys. Mencken. He’s important to them, he’s important to your brother, he was to your father. You couldn’t just suck it up for a little while, you had to cry like a child. Who? What are you talking about? It’s Roman now, his voice close to you. He’s not standing like the others, he’s on your level now. You don’t know how to explain it, you can’t. You fear it’ll sound ridiculous. That you’re making a bigger deal about this than necessary. You’re not sure what else to do. You open every tab, every phone call and text thread and email. Then you open the door just a crack, sliding the phone through, shutting it again. There's a moment of silence that feels like eternity. How long has been this going on? Roman sounds angry. At you? A while. It’s all you can manage, curling into a ball, bracing for the worst. For the yelling, the disappointment, for one of them to bang on the door and demand that you come out right now. You wait, and you wait, but it never comes. It never happens. Instead your brother and sister call after Roman, trying to stop him, but he’s seeing red. 

There’s no stopping him. 

It’s quiet for a long time, but you don’t move a muscle. Your nausea has gotten a little better, your head a little clearer. You call for your siblings, but none answer. What were they doing? What were they saying? You can hear muffled yelling through the door, but the words melt together. Tones rise in pitch. The apartment has quieted. Someone laughs, you think it’s Mencken. More quiet. A door slams. You wince. This is all your fault. Whatever they were doing, whatever was going on, it was your fault. It was all your fault. Then a voice, softer now. He’s gone, kid. You can come out. Roman. He didn’t sound angry, but when did that ever stop anyone? Certainly not your father. When you don’t, you hear him groan, getting to the floor. Through the door, you can hear the weight in his voice. I’m not mad at you, I, I could never be mad at you. A pause. You honestly think I would have chosen him over you? You nod before choking up a yes. It’s my fault, you start, but he doesn’t let you finish. It’s not, it never was. He’s a fucking creep y/n, a monster. I’m, I’m sorry I didn’t notice sooner. He's gone now. He won’t come near you ever again. He’s never been so sure of anything in his life. He would never let fucking Mencken do that to you again. He wouldn’t let anyone do that. He shouldn’t have let it happen in the first place, he’d carry this for the rest of his life. He let you down, your big brother. He let you down for the last time.

Your Best Nightmare

Eddie Munson x Harrington!Reader

Note: harrington!reader, can be biological or adopted, no reference to appearance. Also gender neutral, only characterization is that Steve is a protective older brother

request by @kazeddie85 : Harrington!reader x Eddie? They were dating before they went into the Upside Down and her brother has to force her to leave his body there. For days she’s depressed, won’t eat or go to school, even to graduation. She can’t sleep because of the nightmares of Eddie being ripped apart and hearing his screams. Until one night she sees him in her room. She thinks she’s dreaming but it turns out that it’s real- it’s vampire!Eddie.

wc: 3k

warnings: canon s4 event/character death, grief, depressive symptoms related to grief, nightmares, vampire!eddie

*****

“No! No!” Your shrill voice echoed through the quiet house. “No! Please!” Rapid footsteps thundered down the hallway and stopped abruptly at your doorway.

A darkness weighed heavily over the town of Hawkins, but the darkness in your own life was suffocating. You tossed and turned, sweat seeping through your bedsheets as your sleep-ridden brain conjured the worst of images.

Steve hesitated a moment at the threshold to your room, but soon his feet carried him to your bedside, a heartbreaking routine. He climbed onto your bed and wrapped his arm around your shoulders, pulling you to his chest. With the shuffling movement, you awoke and tears stained your cheeks as you hid them in your brother's nightshirt. Your cries were muffled but the shuddering of your body was unmistakable pain.

“Shhh, I’m here.” Steve whispered into the top of your head as he rubbed his hands over your shoulder in soothing circles. Words were futile but it was all he could do. Nothing could take away the pain of the prior few days.

“Y/n, just go!” Dustin shouted to you, piercing the haze of worry set deeply into your face. Ignoring the voice in your head telling you that you shouldn’t leave Dustin behind, you listened to the boy for once and turned tail to run out into the open expanse of the Upside Down in search of your boyfriend.

“Eddie!” You screamed into the void, looking all around you until your eyes settled on the swirling cloud of demobats in the distance. With a gut-wrenching realization, your breathing picked up and you took off in a sprint toward that nightmarish cloud in the distance. “Eddie! Hold on, I’m coming!” You puffed out with difficulty while you ran. But he couldn’t hear you. Through the blurry barrage of tears trickling down your face while you ran, you could just make out Eddie’s form, valiantly slaying the small-but-mighty beasts as they took turns dive-bombing toward him. A pride knocked in your chest at his performance, the brave way he fought despite the stupidity of leaving you behind in his trailer.

But pride was soon replaced with despair when Eddie’s body was yanked to the ground and your breath caught in your throat just as your feet froze and your body halted in shock. Recovering quickly, you continued running, cursing the ground for how far away you still were. With a quick glance behind you, you spotted Dustin limping away from the trailer, following after you slowly. But you kept running.

“Eddie!” Your shouts were growing more frantic with each passing second. As you neared enough for the scene to unfold clearer, you choked back a fresh round of tears. He was struggling. His body writhed on the ground and the black shadowy forms of the bats surrounded him, diving in and out with a rhythmic thrum.

It was when Eddie stopped fighting back that your heart dropped into your stomach and you ran with a renewed desperation to save the man who was so set on saving you.

“Was it the same one again?” Steve asked you once your body relaxed and you sank exhausted into his side. Steve swung his legs up fully onto your bed and you curled into his side, feeling once again like a little kid afraid of the monsters in your closet. But this time the monsters were real.

Nodding your answer to his question, Steve tightened his grip on you. He settled in for the long run, letting his eyes drift shut while you battled to dismiss your terrorizing thoughts in order to get at least a few hours of rest.

The truth was, Steve understood all too well. Your nightmares were relentless and they were like clockwork. But Steve wrestled daily with his own memories of that night, although nothing could compare to the misery he knew you faced. At first, Steve had been resistant to the idea of you dating Eddie Munson, resident freak of Hawkins High. But seeing the way your smile stretched wider than ever before when you were with him, and the way Eddie looked after you like you were his greatest treasure - Steve couldn’t deny that there was something special there, no matter how confused he was by the pairing.

But that made this reality all the more worse. School was now impossible for you, everything reminded you of Eddie. Eddie had escorted you through every hallway to each of your classes, sacrificing his own class time to be with you - something you knew he wasn’t too heartbroken to do. Every sight and every smell would bring back the emptiness in your chest. So you refused to go.

Graduation was nearing and you were barely keeping your head above water. But if Eddie couldn’t graduate, why should you? You’d be lucky to make it through the rest of the year anyway, because even the teachers had to pretend like the whole town wasn’t falling to pieces and the apocalyptic end of the world wasn’t just around the corner.

Steve checked in on you on his breaks from work, but most times you would hide under the covers and let the phone ring with no desire to respond.

And then there were your parents - they were completely unsympathetic to your condition, insisting that a “selfish, murdering psychopath like that Munson boy doesn’t deserve the grieving you are giving him.” They never liked him, or more like they never cared enough to try, and you hadn’t the energy to put up a fight.

It was endless.

You weren’t sure how your body hadn’t shriveled up from all the tears you expended each day. And you simply couldn’t comprehend how life could go on with any semblance of normalcy knowing what had happened in the Upside Down that fateful night.

“No, no no no.” Your head shook back and forth in denial as your eyes swept over the chewed up form of your boyfriend. “Eddie,” it came out more as a whimper, as you knelt beside him, immediately taking his hand into your own and cradling his head in your lap. His eyes fluttered open but his usually bright and piercing brown eyes were now a deep muddy color, like the light was being pulled from him with every passing second.

Your tears began to fall freely and without restraint, dropping down over Eddie’s body, your tears mixing with his blood. And there was so much blood.

“Edds, I’m here.” You choked it out, horrified at the croak of your voice. His gaze met yours and despite the severity of his injuries, he smiled at you.

You could have melted right there, his smile alone sending a wave of welcome warmth over you. But this wasn’t fair. This shouldn’t be happening.

His smile faded when a fresh jolt of pain seized his body, his muddled brain only half processing the state of his body.

When Dustin finally arrived, the weight of the moment intensified, seeing the agony behind the younger boy’s eyes was difficult to bear on top of your own emotions spilling over. You looked at each other with a knowing failure.

Eddie’s body shuddered in your arms and you fought back the urge to scream out into the vast expanse of this nightmarish world.

With nothing around to stop the bleeding or dull the pain, you were helpless. As you watched the life drain from his eyes, his dying words to you and Dustin would be tattooed in your mind for the rest of your life, you were sure. You begged for the fates to bring him back to you. What had you done to deserve this?

After what felt like an eternity, you heard shouts in the distance. You knew that voice. And it was panicked.

Steve, Robin, and Nancy crested the horizon and ran in your direction. At the same time, you felt the ground beneath you rumble and the sky erupted in fluorescent lightning. Dustin looked up at them as they neared, but you kept your eyes glued to the still and cold face of Eddie beneath you, afraid he would disappear if you looked away. You ignored your racing heartbeat responding to whatever was happening to the very ground on which you sat.

Once the others had approached close enough to know it was too late for their friend, Robin and Nancy dropped down behind Dustin and offered what little comfort they could. Steve, however, was at your side in an instant and he would never forget the racking sobs shaking your body as he held you and wished he could make it all go away.

But there was no time to waste. With your head curled up under Steve’s chin, he whispered to you frantically. “Y/n, I’m so sorry. But we have to go. We have to get out of here.”

You were awash with every possible emotion all at once. You shook your head fervently. No, you couldn’t leave.

“Yes, we have to go, come on.” Steve moved to stand and he tried to pull you up with him. But you threw your body back down over Eddie’s in a last ditch effort to remain behind, despite knowing that Steve would never allow you to stay here when you could already feel the world crumbling around you.

Steve’s hands gripped your shoulders and pulled you away, but you didn’t go easily. “No, I won’t leave him!” You fought against his hold but you were no match for Steve as a bone-deep fatigue sank in over the overwhelming heartache. “I can’t- I won’t- Steve please.” You begged through your tears.

Another rumble sounded and all heads turned toward the sound. Not a hundred yards away, the ground was opening up and an eerie red glow emanated from within.

Nancy pulled Dustin to his feet and yelled over the din of destruction, “Steve, we need to leave NOW!” She was already pulling Robin and Dustin behind her, heading toward the Munson trailer to return to Hawkins before the Upside Down imploded on itself.

Steve hauled you along behind him, refusing to let you have your way and remain behind with Eddie. “Eddie!” You cried out repeatedly, an unwavering flow of tears barreling across your cheeks.

“We have to leave him, Y/n. I’m sorry, there’s just no time.” Steve tried to remain calm and gentle but he was worried they had already wasted too much time. “We can come back for him later.” He knew this was a lie, there was no coming back here, not after all of this.

And so Steve dragged your emotionally drained body away from Eddie’s. It was the hardest thing you’d ever had to do, leaving Eddie behind in the place that had quite literally destroyed everything you loved. And the image of his body laying alone in that horrid place would haunt you for days to come.

It had been two months since that night that scarred your heart and mind irreparably. Two months of crying into your pillow and trying desperately to mend the broken pieces of your life. Two months of tossing and turning to the tune of nightmarish images of Eddie and the bats and the sorry state they left him in. Two months of Steve and the others fretting over you and your inability to move on, yet understanding the difficulty of it all.

Tonight, the routine would start all over again. You knew exactly what would happen. You would lay in bed, pushing away the images that would plague your waking mind, trying in vain to forget everything long enough to fall asleep. But then the sleep demons would slink through your thoughts and memories and pull the images back, bringing those memories to life and forcing you to relive those horrific moments. The final moments of Eddie’s life.

So you laid yourself down, forced away those painful thoughts and after a fit of discomfort, you finally drifted to sleep.

Your dream tonight was different, however. In your dream, you imagined leaving Eddie’s body behind and the toll if had on you as Steve dragged your body away, kicking and screaming. But this time, you awoke from the nightmare much faster than usual. Because as soon as the image of Eddie’s lone body solidified and your dream self stood over his prone form, he opened his eyes and his red irises stared back at you. This image jolted you awake. You sat up abruptly in bed, panting heavily from the confusion and the barrage of feelings threatening to explode from within yourself.

Your eyes searched the darkness around you, ensuring that you were still in your bed at home, where you had been just a few hours ago.

But what your eyes found was even more alarming than you could have expected. Standing just a few feet from the foot of your bed was a tall, lean figure with a head of curly, shoulder-length hair. The familiarity struck you to the core.

Your breathing picked up more, matching the escalated beating of your heart. You could have sworn you had woken up from your dream, but blinking away the image before you was proven impossible. This was real.

“Eddie?” You whispered into the darkness, your voice quiet and hesitant.

He took a step toward you and you pulled the blankets tighter around you. This couldn’t be real, right?

The figure raised his hands in a defensive stance, and he stepped into the dim light of the moon cast through your open window - that window had remained closed for the past two months, a reminder of all the times your Eddie had snuck in after hours.

But when the figure was illuminated in that faint moonlight, your breath hitched. The chestnut-colored eyes you adored so much were staring back at you, but the blood-red irises were startlingly new. It was Eddie. And yet it wasn’t.

“Eddie, is- is that you?”

Hope sparked, but you refused to hold too tight for fear of utter disappointment.

In the blink of an eye, he was at your bedside, knelt beside you. His unmistakably gentle gaze was trained on you and you alone. His hand was cold as his fingers laced in yours, you could feel the heat from your own hands transfer to him.

It was as if time stood still in that moment. It was him. It was your Eddie. And yet he was different.

“I thought you were dead. You- your body was- you stopped breathing.” You tried to reason it out. Your hand untangled from his and you let your fingers dance over his shoulders, his cheeks, feeling flesh and only barely allowing yourself to hold onto the crumb of joy at believing this was really him.

Your hands cupped his cheeks and you knew without a doubt. Eddie closed his eyes at your touch, a pained expression of lost time swept over him.

Into the silence broken only by the slight sniffles brought on by the tears you hadn’t realized were falling, Eddie spoke to you, hearing his voice for the first time in two months. “It’s me, but I’m- I’m not the same. I've… changed. I’m different.”

You laughed at his choice of words. “You’ve always been different. That’s why I’ve always loved you so much.” You pressed your forehead against his, relishing in the closeness you had missed with your whole heart.

Eddie pulled his head back and took your hands in his, lowering them into your lap. He was serious, more serious than you had ever seen him before. “It’s much more than that now. I can’t- you just have to trust me for right now. But I needed you to know that I’m here, and I’m- not exactly alive but I’m here. And this will all be over soon.” He looked around and paused, listening into the silence at the muted squeaks of the floorboards in the hall. “I have to go. I have to get back before-“ he stopped himself. Then continued. “I love you and I’ll be back. Just trust me.” Before you could protest, Eddie moved and within the blur of a fraction of a second, he was at the window, hands braced against the frame. He hesitated, waiting.

Then you heard it. Footsteps padding down the hall, just outside your room. The door swung open slowly and Steve stood stock still, his eyes sweeping the room, first finding you sitting up in bed, then following your gaze toward the window, he spotted Eddie. A sight he thought he would never see again. How many times had Steve caught Eddie in this exact position, poised for escape through your second floor window.

While Steve remained frozen in place, processing the scene before him, Eddie nodded his head toward his friend before jumping from the windowsill toward the ground below.

Alarmed by the sudden movement, Steve ran toward the window, looking down toward the ground below, but seeing no sign of the Munson boy who had been there not two seconds before.

He turned toward you for answers. And what he saw almost melted him right then and there. It was subtle, but for the first time in two months, you were smiling. You had a dreamy look of slight disbelief, but then again, what you had just witnessed was something out of your dreams.

When you met Steve’s questioning gaze, you told him the most beautiful truth. “He’s back. I don’t know how and I don’t care. But he’s back. Eddie’s back.”

*****

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above average. (4/?)

pairing: eddie munson x fem!reader

summary: eddie munson desperately needs to graduate this year, and you're the only tutor that hasn't turned him down. (this is part 4 in this series. I have no idea how to add links to the other parts, someone pls teach me)

warnings: cursing, fighting, mentions of drugs, jason carver being a shithead, slightly sexual (minors dni pls), angst, eddie being a meanie (he would never)

a/n: I would like to formally apologize if this breaks your heart or makes you cry. you're welcome to yell at me in my messages. I promise the next part will be nicer! (and ~spicy~ wink wink) thank you all so much for all your sweet words of encouragement on the first parts! as always, feedback is welcomed/appreciated! please let me know if you would like to be tagged!

tags: @uraveragequeerqueer @rosaline-black @willowss055 @lovsersclub @bellegirl16

The door to my locker was slammed shut with a clamorous bang, causing me to squeal loudly and jump nearly two feet into the air. I clutched at my chest, trying to steady my breathing and preparing to hurl insults at whatever jackass had sent me into cardiac arrest when I was met with the sight of none other than Eddie Munson himself, beaming down at me with a mischievous grin. 

“Eddie! What the-”

“I’m above average.”

A crease formed at the center of my forehead, my brows crinkling as I stared up at him in confusion. I had gotten to know Eddie pretty well over the past month that I had been tutoring him, but I was still struggling to learn his language. I often had to enlist one of the boys to help me translate his “Eddie-isms”.

“Huh?”

Eddie retrieved the crumpled piece of paper that was trapped between the door to my locker and his large hand, shoving it directly in front of my face. It took a minute to register that it was an extra credit quiz Mrs. O’Donnell had given him on Monday. She had agreed to give him extra credit assignments to help him pass as long as he kept up with our tutoring sessions. She really wanted him out of her classroom. I was almost certain that if Eddie was going to repeat his senior year a third time, she was going into early retirement.

I was drawn to the bold, red ink scrawled at the corner of the paper that read ‘C+’. My eyes shifted swiftly between a grinning Eddie and the indeed above average grade at the corner of the page.

“Oh my god..Eddie! You passed! All on your own!”

Here’s the thing most people did not understand about Eddie Munson: he was not stupid. He was in fact very smart. He simply wasn’t engaged in any of his classes. To be fair, none of them were exactly riveting, and neither were the teachers. If there’s anything I’ve learned from tutoring, it’s that a good teacher can make all the difference when it comes to comprehension. 

Eddie's interest was not easily captured by less than thrilling subjects, and he had a hard time sitting still. Eddie was a creative person. He wrote incredible pieces of music and created elaborate campaigns for his club. He thrived the most when he was able to use his creative side on the task at hand, but when he really focused his attention and applied himself, Eddie could do anything.

He slapped his large hands against the metal of the locker doors, as if imitating a drum roll, and pumped his fists into the air triumphantly.

“Fuck yeah I did!”

Eddie’s strong arms suddenly wrapped around my waist, lifting me into the air and hugging me tightly against his strong chest as he twirled me around in a victory lap. I gripped onto the denim that covered his shoulders with a squeak, hanging on for dear life. My face flamed promptly from the closeness, and the judgemental stares of everyone around us. I could feel the warmth of his body against the thin material of my dress, feeling immensely grateful I had chosen to wear tights today. I was overcome with wonder of what his bare skin would feel like under my fingertips.

“Eddie! Put me down!”

“Not until you say I’m above average!”

My authoritative tone was lost throughout my fit of giggles. Eddie’s unruly curls seemed to twirl along with us as he continued to move our bodies together in a giant circle. As much as I didn’t want him to let go, I did want everyone to stop staring.

“Okay, okay! You’re above average!”

True to his word, Eddie quickly set me down on my feet, not bothering to take a step back. He leaned against my locker with a grin that stretched across his entire face, causing deep dimples to indent his smooth cheeks. I loved this smile. I loved his dimples. I loved the twinkle of happiness that was shining in his eyes. My chest constricted with complete adoration for the boy in front of me. In what seemed like the blink of an eye, I had gone from only knowing of Eddie Munson through whispers and rumors, to falling ridiculously, helplessly, and irrevocably hard for him. Like jumping out of a plane without a parachute and praying to whoever would listen there’s a soft landing, hard.

I wasn’t even sure how it had happened. That first day in the tutoring center, he sparked something within me, something I didn’t even know was there. A simple ember of a crush started to burn, and every minute I spent with him, the flames grew higher and higher and eventually exploded into a blaze that I didn’t even think God herself could put out.

I was completely enamored with Eddie Munson. I didn’t even know I could feel this way about a person. I like to think of myself as a realistic and reasonable person, but there were nights I contemplated if I really was under some kind of spell. Maybe Eddie really did know black magic. I’d had a somewhat “serious” boyfriend before, but it never felt like this. The logical part of my brain desperately tried to make sense of what was happening to my heart, and between my thighs.

Thoughts of him created a dull ache that I couldn’t will away. Everytime he spoke, my eyes fixated on his plump lips, craving the feeling of them against my own. On my skin. Anywhere he wanted them. I followed his hands as they danced in conversation, imagining how much better they would feel than my own. I’m not ashamed to admit that I had touched myself more than once to fantasies of Eddie Munson. The desire he created within me could not be ignored. It conjured sinful visions of him in my dreams, waking me out of a dead sleep covered in sweat, my body feeling as if it was on fire. I craved his touch, more than anything. I wanted to be twisted up in my bed sheets with more than just the ghost of him. I wanted the real thing.

“I’m so proud of you, Eddie.”

There was a light shade of pink that coated the tops of his cheeks, dipping his head for a moment before he met my gaze again with a tender smile on his lips.

“It’s all because of you, you know?”

“You did it all on your own, Eddie. You should be proud.”

“Well I have even more to be proud of, because I did the impossible.”

“Oh really? Do tell.”

“So, since I’ve been passing all my assignments and actually showing up to class and shit, I convinced Mrs. O’Donnell to let us cancel our session after school on Friday.”

“Oh. Um..well, that’s..” Awful. Horrible. Terrible. “That is an impressive feat. Um, that’s great Eddie. You uh, you deserve a break. You’ve been working really hard.”

“It’s actually a huge relief since I uh, gotta restock some..supplies.”

“For Hellfire?”

“Um..well..no. Not..exactly. It’s for my other..uh..extracurriculars.”

Eddie glanced anywhere but at me, awkwardly scratching at the back of his neck. The action caused the bottom of his Hellfire shirt to raise up just slightly, granting me a perfect view of the dark patch of hair just above the handcuff buckle of his belt. Focus.

“Oh. Oh.”

A deep hue of scarlet took over my features when it finally clicked what Eddie was talking about. He’s talking about drugs, you idiot. I internally cringed at how sheltered he must think I was. I honestly often forgot that Eddie was a drug dealer. It wasn’t that I didn’t know about it, he dealt to a ton of people at school. It just never came up in conversation between us.

“Well uh..good luck?”

Eddie snickered as he looked down at me, tilting his head in a playful manner and crossing his arms across his chest. His eyebrows knit together in the center of his forehead.

“Thank you?”

I scrunched up my nose as I smiled shyly, nibbling on my bottom lip. Good luck? Seriously? That’s the best you could come up with?

“I..sorry. I’m not really sure what the proper etiquette is when it comes to..um..that. ‘Break a leg’ seemed a bit..much?” 

The smile on Eddie’s lips stretched into a grin that seemed to cover the entire lower half of his face, putting all of his teeth on display. My beloved dimples once appeared at the corners of his mouth. He shook his head slowly, clicking his tongue against his cheek.

“You are..incredibly adorable. You know that?”

My breath hitched in my throat and my knees suddenly felt like they were going to give out at any moment. I couldn’t stop myself from staring at his lips. Say something. Say something. Say something!

“I..um..uh..well I guess I’ll..s-see you Monday then.”

I tightened my grip on the strap of my backpack, prepared to turn and bolt away as fast as I could before I dropped dead from embarrassment. Eddie, sensing my apprehension, quickly reached out to grab onto my shoulder with a laugh as I was about to make my getaway.

“Hey, wait! Listen I um..I..I wanted to ask you something.”

“Oh..okay. What is it?”

Eddie retracted his hand from my shoulder, twisting one of his large rings around his middle finger slowly. I had come to learn this was a nervous habit of his. What was he nervous about? Eddie averted his gaze down to his worn sneakers. A frown settled on my lips as I gently placed my hand on his wrist to get his attention.

“Eddie? What’s wrong?”

“What? Nothing, no nothing’s wrong. I just..well..since you don’t have to tutor me after school on Friday, and my uh..restock..won’t take very long..I was just..I was gonna ask..well I was wondering if you know..maybe..um..I was wondering if you would maybe want to-”

“What the hell do you think you’re doing freak?”

Any indication that Eddie was nervous completely vanished the second Jason Carver shoved his way in between us. The tender smile on his lips sank into a deep frown, his eyes narrowing down at the blonde as he stood up straight. He made Jason look small when he stood to his full height. It was no secret that Eddie and Jason absolutely hated each other. Jason was convinced that Eddie was some evil, devil worshiping, cultist that was a danger to all of Hawkins. Eddie hated Jason mainly because he hated him, but also because he was a narcissistic bully to anyone who dared to be different.

I couldn’t see over Jason’s shoulders. I attempted to force myself in between the two boys before an all out brawl ensued, but Jason shoved me forcefully back behind him, which only seemed to piss Eddie off even further. As he took a step closer, I gripped onto Jason’s arm to yank him back.

“Jason, stop! I’m tutoring him, you know that.”

“Just because you’re tutoring this freak doesn’t mean he should be touching you.”

“What can I say, I’m a hands-on learner.”

I tried to shoot Eddie a pleading glance, but his attention was solely focused on the jock in front of him. God Eddie, please shut up. Please for once, don’t be a smartass and just shut up. I should’ve known better. Eddie practically created the term “stubborn”.

“I’m going to tell you this one time, and one time only. Leave her alone, freak. Don’t talk to her. Don’t come near her. Don’t even look at her. This, is done. Walk away. Next time, there won’t be a warning.”

The hardness on Eddie’s features dissipated slowly, and a wicked smile grew over his face, covering his lips like ivy. There was a vexatious glint in his eye that made me nervous. Eddie clasped his hands together behind his back and gave a light shrug of his shoulders.

“Okay.”

A sharp gasp escaped my lips. I wasn’t expecting that answer, and clearly Jason wasn’t either. I snuck at glance up at him to see surprise written just as clearly over his features as it was on mine. The other three jocks that had formed a circle around us all exchanged their own looks of disbelief. 

“I’ll make you a deal, Carver. I’ll leave her alone..if..you can tell me her name.”

My eyes widened in shock at Eddie’s boldness and I was certain my jaw had hit the floor. Jason whipped his head down to stare at me incredulously, frantically searching my eyes as if they held the answer. For once, I was glad he didn’t know my name. I stared up at him innocently, as if I wasn’t in on the joke. His eyes darted over my face, my books, even my locker, looking for something, anything that would clue him in.

“Well? Go on. It’s a simple answer, really. I mean she’s only helped your dumbass what, seven times? Eight? Ten? Surely you know her name. You know, since you care so much. Surely you’re not the kind of asshole that uses people for your own personal gain without having the common decency to learn their fucking name.”

It all happened so fast. One second Jason was standing in front of me, the next he was lunging forward at Eddie with balled fists. Eddie managed to shove Jason roughly against the lockers before two of the jocks surged to pull him off. I didn’t know what to do. I was frozen in place with fear. Adrenaline coursed through my veins as I took a step forward. I wasn’t sure what I was planning to do, but I was instantly tugged back by one of the jocks that had pulled me hard into his chest with one arm.

“Let go of me! Let go! Help! Someone please, help! Stop them!”

I tried my hardest to free myself from the boy’s strong grasp. I looked around at the crowd of students that had gathered around to watch the spectacle that was taking place. I screamed at them, pleading with them for help. I could hear punches being thrown and lockers being slammed. I was terrified to see who was on the receiving end.

“Carver! Munson! What the hell is going on?”

The sea of students parted instantly to let Mr. Scott through. The group of boys didn’t hesitate to pull apart and untangle themselves to meet the man’s pissed off gaze. Fuck..Eddie’s going to be expelled..and it’s all my fault.

I finally managed to break free from the boy’s iron grip, angrily pushing my way through the crowd of students and took off down the hallway. I slammed the door to the tutoring center shut behind me and leaned forward to grip onto one of the chairs. Hot tears pricked at the corners of my eyes and I threaded my fingers through the roots of my hair, tugging roughly.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! Eddie was going to be expelled, and that thought made my heart sink into the pit of my stomach. It was all my fault. All his hard work, down the drain. He wasn’t going to graduate. I should have never agreed to tutor him. I should have never said yes. He’s going to hate me. I ruined everything. 

“Jesus, there you are! Are you alright? Did they hurt you?”

Eddie cupped my cheeks in his large hands, tilting my head up so that he could frantically search my face for any sign of injury. His eyes were dark and wild, his usual untamed curls even more unruly framed against his face. I could see a faint bruise appearing on his left cheekbone. The sight at first made me want to cry, but it only fueled the anger I felt. I braced my palms against his chest and shoved him back with as much force as I could manage.

“Why the hell would you do that?”

“What?”

“I can’t believe you! Why did you have to do that? I..how could you be so stupid Eddie?”

His face was a mixture of shock and hurt. He blinked a few times as he stared at me in bewilderment.

“Wait a second, are you seriously mad at me right now for what happened back there?”

“Of course I’m mad, Eddie! I’m furious! Why would you do that? Why?”

“What the fuck was I supposed to do? Just stand there and let him be a complete asshole?”

“You were supposed to walk away!”

“Fuck that! I wasn’t about to just stand there and let him treat you like shit. He fucking pushed you, I had to do something!”

“I didn’t ask you to do that! God Eddie, you’re not my boyfriend, I don’t need you to defend me like that!”

I regret the words the second they left my mouth. I hated the way they tasted. They were bitter like vinegar and made my stomach twist into knots. Silence lingered heavily in the air. Eddie’s chest rose and fell quickly to keep up with his accelerated breathing. Anger still rolled off of him in waves. There was hurt in his eyes, but his face was stone cold. I had never seen him like this before, and I hated it. But mostly, I hated that he was looking at me like this. 

His beautiful features contorted into an expression of repulsion, and a dry, humorless laugh sounded from the back of his throat. The edge of his lips curled into a sneer as he took a step forward to stare down at me.

“Boyfriend? Are you fucking kidding me? I may be the freak of Hawkins, but I’m not that much of a freak that I would date the fucking tutor girl.”

Eddie’s venomous words rang loudly in my ears. I could feel my bottom lip beginning to quiver and in that moment I hated myself for looking so weak in front of him. As much as I willed myself not to cry in front of Eddie, I couldn’t stop the fresh wave of tears from washing over my cheeks. I took a step back from him, as if his words had physically slapped me, and clutched at my stomach.

Eddie clenched his jaw as he stared down at me, quickly looking away so that he didn’t have to see my face. He dragged his teeth over his bottom lip and shook his head quickly, beginning to back away towards the door.

“You know what, Y/L/N, I don’t think I need your services anymore. I can do this on my own. I don’t need you.”

Eddie slammed the door shut behind him, leaving me crumbling to the floor with a choked sob ripping through my chest. The pain was everywhere, all at once, and I didn’t know how to stop it. My body felt like it was made of lead, and I couldn’t move. I was stuck in the spot he broke me. I didn’t even care if anyone walked in and found me sprawled over the floor like a shattered piece of glass. How had things gone so unbelievably bad, so fast?

For the first time ever, I went home early. And I didn’t go back to school the day after that. Or the day after that.